Remember to vote today, campers!

Voting is not rational, but that doesn’t mean it’s invalid. Being rational all the time would make Jack a dull electorate. Besides, if rational people rationally decided not to vote, only irrational people would decide elections. (Pop quiz: How do I know that isn’t what’s already happening?)

Voting is sympathetic magic; we hope that by casting our tiny spell for our candidate, we somehow magically influence the outcome, even though there has never been a presidential election decided by one vote. If you want to cast really strong sympathetic magic, it’s not enough to just vote; you’d better give money and volunteer, as well. The fact that you can’t say “sympathetic” without “pathetic” should never enter your mind.

Voting is way of signaling to all the other voters, “hey, I’m mainstream, accept me!” Voting is a bit like showering that way.

Voting is fun, but drinking and voting is even more fun, and voting on LSD is so much fun they might have to peel you off the ceiling of the ballot booth.

Voting only encourages them, but don’t let that discourage you. It’s not like they’re waiting for your encouragement.

Don’t you make that face while you vote. What if it freezes that way?

If you don’t vote, you have no right to complain. I mean, no right except for the right to complain given you by the First Amendment. Which, by the way, is something people don’t get to vote on. But if they did, you’d be in trouble then, non-voters!

Voting in the USA is a restaurant which offers you a menu with five options, only two of which the kitchen is willing to prepare, and you should be grateful for your two choices, because don’t you know that people have fought and died just to get you this menu, you fucking ungrateful ingrate?

Eat! Eat! Swallow!

* * *

I voted several days ago.

Voting actually is fun. It fosters a pleasing feeling of engagement with something larger than myself, and I guess that’s reason enough to vote. I mean, it must be reason enough to vote, because otherwise why did I vote? I voted; therefore I had reason to vote. Quod erat demonstrandum. (And que sara sara, while I’m at it).

In case you’re wondering, I voted for Kerry, not some dumb third party candidate who actually represents my beliefs hopes ideals and political views, so accept me! (But of course you don’t have to accept me; it’s not like I can take my vote back.)

I was tempted to write in Nader, to spite the Democrats who applauded Nader being kept off the ballot and call Nader voters names. But in the end, I decided that it would be wrong to vote out of spite for the Democrats, when I could vote out of spite for George Bush instead. God bless!

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18 Responses to Remember to vote today, campers!

  1. 1
    Enyo says:

    Just a quick question.

    It it common in American elections for voters to have to wait in line for hours before being able to vote, or were the long lines at this year’s election because of unexpectedly high voter turnout?

    I’m 20 and live in Canada, and in the 3 elections I’ve voted in so far (municipal, provincial and federal), I’ve never had to wait more than 2 minutes, no matter what time of day I went to vote. It seems strange to me that there wouldn’t be more polling stations.

  2. 2
    alsis38 says:

    [snicker] “All that Republican Money” = 4% of the total, according to Nader’s campaign. There was more than one brand of “mass delusion” going around this year, I’d say. No wonder I kept having that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that one always gets when she thnks there’s one more step at the bottom of the flight, only to realize too late that she’s miscounted and said step isn’t there. :/

    Amp, is it okay if I resist the urge to post this four or five times ? :p :p

  3. 3
    lisa says:

    Whoops, double post! Sorry.

  4. 4
    lisa says:

    Thanks for joining in our mass delusion, Alas! :) Seriously, though, I found it hard to consider voting for Nader after his own part rejected him and he accepted all that Republican money. I’d much rather have written in Kucinich, but oh well…
    In this Republican-dominated world, at least i can still shamelessly plug my blog: http://plainandshort.blogspot.com
    Leftward thinking for all! Hey, we all do what we can.

  5. 5
    lisa says:

    Thanks for joining in our mass delusion, Alas! :) Seriously, though, I found it hard to consider voting for Nader after his own part rejected him and he accepted all that Republican money. I’d much rather have written in Kucinich, but oh well…
    In this Republican-dominated world, at least i can still shamelessly plug my blog: http://plainandshort.blogspot.com
    Leftward thinking for all! Hey, we all do what we can.

  6. 6
    lisa says:

    Thanks for joining in our mass delusion, Alas! :) Seriously, though, I found it hard to consider voting for Nader after his own part rejected him and he accepted all that Republican money. I’d much rather have written in Kucinich, but oh well…
    In this Republican-dominated world, at least i can still shamelessly plug my blog: http://plainandshort.blogspot.com
    Leftward thinking for all! Hey, we all do what we can.

  7. 7
    lisa says:

    Thanks for joining in our mass delusion, Alas! :) Seriously, though, I found it hard to consider voting for Nader after his own part rejected him and he accepted all that Republican money. I’d much rather have written in Kucinich, but oh well…
    In this Republican-dominated world, at least i can still shamelessly plug my blog: http://plainandshort.blogspot.com
    Leftward thinking for all! Hey, we all do what we can.

  8. 8
    lisa says:

    Thanks for joining in our mass delusion, Alas! :) Seriously, though, I found it hard to consider voting for Nader after his own part rejected him and he accepted all that Republican money. I’d much rather have written in Kucinich, but oh well…
    In this Republican-dominated world, at least i can still shamelessly plug my blog: http://plainandshort.blogspot.com
    Leftward thinking for all! Hey, we all do what we can.

  9. 9
    lisa says:

    Thanks for joining in our mass delusion, Alas! :) Seriously, though, I found it hard to consider voting for Nader after his own part rejected him and he accepted all that Republican money. I’d much rather have written in Kucinich, but oh well…
    In this Republican-dominated world, at least i can still shamelessly plug my blog: http://plainandshort.blogspot.com
    Leftward thinking for all! Hey, we all do what we can.

  10. 10
    Tom T. says:

    At my polling place, I waited three full hours to vote. One police cruiser was stationed across the street all morning, and a second one cruised by slowly from time to time, while the officer inside stared at the line of people. The line was forced to stretch into the street, where garbage trucks rolled by just inches away. A county surveyor disrupted the line at one point, laying down markings that the county apparently decided had to be done right there and then. Electioneering was common, with several people wearing buttons, stickers, and T-shirts for the locally-favored candidate.

  11. 11
    Dan J says:

    I got to my polling place ten minutes after it opened at 6AM. The line was out the door. It was an awesome moment.

  12. 12
    Sam the girl says:

    So I took my almost two year old son to the polls with me this morning. Just before we got out of the car, I said to him, “We are going to vote now; this is really important, and I am voting for your future.” And then I realized it was true, and I burst into tears.

    My son was very good for the hour and a half we stood in line. My biggest fear was that he would touch the ballot screen and make me accidently vote for the wrong candidate, but he was amazingly good while I voted. I think he must have known it was important.

  13. 13
    Zenmaster says:

    Jake Squid -
    I also had a brush with disenfranchisement this morning. An elderly lady in front of me in line was shuffled off because her district had changed, and she too had not been notified of the change.
    I’m not even in a swing state!
    Dirty . . .

  14. 14
    alsis38 says:

    God bless!

    God had a hand in this pathetic excuse for a choice ? Small wonder I’m an atheist. :p

  15. 15
    Jake Squid says:

    So, hey! My sister in Miami has already been disenfranchised! Woo-hoo!

    She went to her polling place (50 ft from where she lives). Waited 2 hours. Was told that she had been redistricted & had to go across town. She had received no notice of redistricting. She noticed that somebody else from her building was there voting and hadn’t been redistricted, so she complained. They gave her a provisional ballot. Now she is being told that her provisional ballot will not be counted unless she filled it out at the correct polling place. She is being told that the provisional ballot will not be counted & that she will not be allowed to vote at the “correct” polling place. She is now calling 1-866-OUR-VOTE.

    Four years and, strangely, Jeb hasn’t had the problems in Democratic south Florida solved.

  16. 16
    flaime says:

    I vote so I can bitch and complain about how badly the country is being run without any whining at me about how I didn’t vote. Engagement with the US populace as a whole is a repugnant thought, since most of them are, to my mind, absolute morons.

  17. 17
    bush says:

    Michael Komaschka
    Southeast field director
    614-203-5759 (m)
    mkomaschka@georgewbush.com

    Rusty Orben
    Northwest field director
    614-203-7041 (m)
    419-482-0506 (w)

    Christina Wagner
    Northeast field director
    614-565-3304 (m)
    330-452-4854 (w)
    cwagner@georgewbush.com

    Melissa Cook
    Miami Valley field director
    614-325-5021 (m)
    937-866-1446 (w)
    mcook@georgewbush.com

    Christina Haddad
    Eastern field director
    614-519-7076 (m)
    chaddad@georgewbush.com

    Brent Sanders
    Southwest field director
    513-381-5454 (sw office)
    614-395-2412 (m)
    513-621-3453 (f)
    bsanders@georgewbush.com

    Dan Halm
    Cuyahoga County &
    Northern Ohio field director
    614-309-2043 (m)
    614-284-3036 (m2)
    dhalm@georgewbush.com

    Aaron McLear
    Press Secretary
    614-325-8276 (m)
    614-270-8862 (h)
    amclear@georgewbush.com

    Bob Paduchik
    Campaign Manager
    614-203-5324 (m)
    614-855-2496 (h)
    rpaduchik@georgewbush.com

    Darrin Klinger
    Executive Director
    614-395-1921 (m)
    614-946-1830 (m2)
    dklinger@georgewbush.com

    John Scharer
    Director of Events
    614-519-1796 (m)
    jscharer@georgewbush.com

    Mike Hartley
    Political Director
    614-425-6388 (m)
    mhartley@georgewbush.com

    J.D. Estes
    Director of Coalitions
    614-314-9114 (m)
    jestes@georgewbush.com

  18. 18
    Kelli says:

    Been there done that took about 45 mins.