I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who’s wished me well over the past day. I obviously have had better days, but all things considered I’m feeling fairly positive about the outlook for the future.
I’ve done a lot of reading in the last day, and one thing that I am grateful for, other than the support of friends and readers, is that I’ve been exposed to feminist thought. I know, it seems strange to bring that up in terms of testicular cancer, but I’m serious. One of the recurring themes I’ve seen in my readings is the concern that losing a testicle will make one “less of a man.”
This isn’t a silly fear; we metaphorically refer to manly gumption as “having balls.” We talk freely about men being “neutered” or “castrated” when they’re silenced or marginalized. The testes, even more than the penis, are the metaphorical seat of manliness in popular culture. And so for many men, the loss of a testicle, even in the service of preventing death from cancer, is a traumatic psychological experience.
Fortunately for me, I’ve been exposed to the idea that what defines a person is not their gonads. I am no more “manly” with two testicles than I will be with one, and if cancer takes that one someday, I’ll still be no less manly. Who I am is not dictated by my genitals. And while there are no doubt a few MRA types who will find my demicastration appropriate, I will simply remember that I know an awful lot of humans who have never had testicles, who nevertheless embrace life without fear, who exhibit all the best of “manly” characteristics — bravery, loyalty, intrepidity — despite not being men at all.
And so I know that the loss of a testicle doesn’t make me lose my identity, any more than the loss of my gall bladder has made me a different person. That knowledge is a gift. Yes, it’s scary to face the potential of cancer, and I’m not looking forward to surgery. But at least I do not need to fear that I am going to come out of surgery somehow less worthy than I was before.
Glad you’ve got a good attitude about it. Don’t be shy about your hormone levels, though; testosterone is powerful stuff and your balance is going to change (I’m sure you know this, forgive the lecture, Uncle Bob mode is hard to turn off).
Also, let us know for sure when you’re healthy and in a good emotional position about this, because I have like thirty awesome nut jokes just SEETHING to come out and play.
Hey Jeff, any plans to take up long-distance cycling and marrying Cheryl Crow? If our number of testicles is proof of manliness, I think Armstrong proves that two balls is about twice as much as a guy actually needs.
I had actually considered raising this yesterday, because it occured to me that you would be less vulnerable to feeling like “less of a man” if you lost a testicle in this ordeal than many other men who would find themselves in this position.
But I chose not to because I didn’t want to politicize something this personal and sensitive. I’m glad you raised this, and I have to add that I happen to think that the testicles are by far the silliest looking part of the male anatomy!
Hey Jeff:
My thoughts are with you a LOT in this. You’re one of my favorite bloggers, which isn’t exactly an intimate connection, but you do share on a very personal level, and I know your feelings about your daughter and fatherhood, about marriage and love, and all sorts of intimate stuff, and so it’s more than being concerned about “some writer.”
My ex-husband is just finishing up chemo and radiation for a cancer with a very positive prognosis, and part of it is just the shocking nature of it. I sort of had to wake up every day and say “____ has cancer” to get it through my head. It’s otherworldly.
I get what you’re saying about masculinity and self and balls. I’ve thought about it from time to time in regard to breast cancer and mastectomy. Am I me without my breasts? Well, yeah, but I am so glad I don’t have to prove it because I think it would be quite a journey.
Anyway, I continue to read and hope and send good thoughts. Be well.
Jeff – Well welcome to the club nobody wants to belong to. Sorry to have you with us but there are some amazingly cool members who’ll do everything they can to get you through. When you feel up to it you may want to swing by my blog where I have resources for cancer patients listed. But the real reason I was posting was I wanted to let you know about I’ve still got both my nuts I think you may find it interesting and hopefully entertaining.
oh dear, I only check in with Alas,aBlog every now and then, and never post comments.
But was so very sorry to check in after months away, only to find that you are ill.
Please know that you have this reader’s very Best wishes for the new year.
On the subject of cancer – I wanted to wait for an open thread for this, but it’s time-sensitive so I’ll post it here:
http://www.spiderrobinson.com/index2.html
Spider Robinson’s wife, Jeanne, has a rare and nasty cancer, and is starting chemo. Writing SF isn’t exactly a big money-maker, so Spider needs financial help.
The time-sensitive part is an e-book that Laurence Santoro wrote, he’s donating the proceeds to help them pay for prescription meds and therapy and whatnot. He’s set a deadline for the end of the month, so people won’t procrastinate indefinitely.
http://www.starshipsofa.com/20091202/aural-delights-no-111-lawrence-santoro-pt-1/
Spider is the first author that showed me that SF doesn’t have to be about science or space-wars or elaborate speculation about the future, but simply about the human condition.
I once knew a very badass Vietnam vet biker who often said (bellowed), “I only got one ball and can’t still kick your ass in a snowstorm!” So whenever someone talks about having one testicle, this statement automatically pops in my head, LOL.
As a result, I associate loss of a testicle with more “masculine” behavior, rather than less… its funny how our cultural backgrounds and experiences can change the meanings of things like that…
Good luck to you Jeff, my best deadhead vibes are with you! :)
Two thoughts on your post and the comments:
1) The other year, I had a piece taken out of my for-God’s-sake brain. Talk about a psychologically significant sort of surgery. I felt as though I were being punished for all the lobotomy jokes I made when I was a kid about (nudge-nudge) “scars at the temples”. So even though I have both of my own testicles, I feel qualified to say, “I know how that feels”.
2) I can’t believe nobody has followed up on the straight line thrown out by Robert @1 about how losing one testicle may throw off your hormone balance.
Very new reader here, from Shakesville. Prayers and good vibes from this feminist Shaman to you, Jeff.
I read a lot but never comment either; I too just want to say I’m sorry you’re going through this and I wish you a very fast recovery. I’m glad you’re feeling positive.
You’re in my thoughts. It’s good that the doctor acted on it and that you went to get it checked out. Some guys, just like we women are about our parts, are a bit nervous about it, in part I think because of all the messages society sends out.
Jeff, what you just wrote was very well done, and I join the rest in hoping you come out on the other side of this soon and safe and sound.
I can’t help but think of pet owners who get bitches and queens spayed right and left but won’t think of neutering a he-dog or a tomcat, because of supposed “manhood” issues. This despite a male can cause more reproductive havoc in a neighborhood if let free. Things are a bit more complicated with human beings, but it’s good that healthy people get to thinking about these matters so all the burden doesn’t fall on those fighting a battle against disease.
I myself am disabled, but I am still me.
Hang in there.
Jeff I missed the earlier posts. I’ve been too rushed lately to do all the blog reading I like. But I want to wish you well and I will be thinking of you and making sure to check in to Alas more regularly.
Somehow I missed these. Sounds like you’ve been in a harrowing place. It’s hard to keep your mental state up when your body is having problems like this, but it sounds like you’re dealing with it. Good luck and may God keep watch over you.