{"id":1854,"date":"2005-09-21T21:18:42","date_gmt":"2005-09-22T04:18:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.amptoons.com\/blog\/archives\/2005\/09\/21\/culture-kitchen-on-divorcing-democrats\/"},"modified":"2005-09-21T21:18:42","modified_gmt":"2005-09-22T04:18:42","slug":"culture-kitchen-on-divorcing-democrats","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/?p=1854","title":{"rendered":"Culture Kitchen on Divorcing Democrats"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Democrats<\/a>,<\/p>\n

You have taken me for granted for far too long. You’ve assumed that, because I’m a liberal leftist, there’s no way I’m going to vote for a Republican, and, by default, you can count on my vote. Well, guess what? I’m asking for a trial separation, and quite frankly, if you don’t get your shit together now, I’m going to be filing for divorce.<\/p>\n

You’ve made the mistake of thinking that because there’s no one new in my life that I’m not going to leave. You forget that sometimes, people leave marriages even if they don’t have a brighter prospect on the horizon. Sometimes, they leave a marriage in order to save their own lives, souls, mental health. Consider me one of those people.[…]<\/p>\n

All I ever seem to get from you is empty promises. That, and asking me if I have a few bucks in my wallet to cover you until payday. I give you the money and you go out and buy yourself clothes, shoes, and a car that make you look just like the other guy. If I wanted to be married to the other guy, well, shit, I’da married him. But I married you. You, who wooed me with your commitment to human rights, the dignity of all persons, and a burning desire for justice that set my heart on fire. Now, all I ever hear from you is, “Not tonight, honey. If we do it now, it’ll make us look like obstructionists. Or, the neighbors down the street might disapprove.” What happened to my brave spouse?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

(Link via Media Girl<\/a>).<\/p>\n

I admire this letter, really I do. I want to be able to leave this relationship. I want not to be taken for granted.<\/p>\n

But I’ve gone to bed with that cool rebel in his shapeless black suit and his snarling passion and his engorged movement. God he was good. He batted his eyes and then took me places I’ve never been before – like seeing a presidential candidate make a speech in which he full-on supported my issues (gay marriage and all!). It made me tingle, I swear, down to my toes; I had never been so fulfilled by a politician before. I swooned, I panted, I screamed until my throat was horse, I surged with enthusiasm.<\/p>\n

And I began to think: Shouldn’t I be able to feel tingly like this all the time? Why haven’t Democrats ever made me feel that good?<\/p>\n

I volunteered with a rebel Democrat, “Red Bev,” with her seductive socialist background and her come-hither “change from within” looks. She was running for Governor, and her policy stands were built like a brick shithouse, I’m tellin’ ya. We’d meet at her campaign office, and I grew so attached that I even met her in out-of-town hotels – it was like a whole campaign! And all along, she was telling me: this is working, we’re gonna win, keep at it, work harder, Amp, harder!<\/p>\n

She lost. Lost, lost, lost. She was never even close – and she knew it all the time, she was just stringing me along. And the cool dude in the shapeless suit who said he was starting a movement? I never heard from him again until four years later, when he came panting around, still sounding the same, wanting to act as if I could forget all about what had happened four years earlier. The long-term movement I thought I was in love with had its way with me and then disappeared like it had never existed at all.<\/p>\n

Say what you will about mainstream Democrats, at least they don’t break my heart.<\/p>\n

Then Kerry came around, with his puffy hair and athletic build, and I knew he was playing me. “I’m electable,” he crooned into my ear; “do you want to be a sell-out winner or a purist loser?” He slid his hand down gently below my waistline, towards my warm spread wallet. I stared at the ceiling and thought of funding for the UN Population Fund.<\/p>\n

Of course, that smooth talker had lied to me. Turns out the choice was between being pure and losing, and being a sell-out and still <\/em>losing.<\/p>\n

Anyhow, maybe I should be celibate for a while, too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Democrats, You have taken me for granted for far too long. You’ve assumed that, because I’m a liberal leftist, there’s no way I’m going to vote for a Republican, and, by default, you can count on my vote. Well, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27,92],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1854","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-elections-and-politics","category-whatever"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1854","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1854"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1854\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1854"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1854"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1854"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}