{"id":6488,"date":"2009-01-28T13:25:46","date_gmt":"2009-01-28T20:45:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.amptoons.com\/blog\/?p=6488"},"modified":"2009-01-28T13:25:46","modified_gmt":"2009-01-28T20:45:34","slug":"that%e2%80%99s-the-way-we-became-the-brady-bundchen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/?p=6488","title":{"rendered":"That\u2019s The Way We Became the Brady B\u00fcndchen"},"content":{"rendered":"

So photos recently surfaced<\/a> of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and supermodel Giselle B\u00fcndchen on vacation in Mexico together, hanging out and being schmoopy and generally doing the kind of things one does when one’s on vacation with one’s significant other, except that since this was Tom Brady and Gisele B\u00fcndchen we’re talking about, they’re doing it much more attractively than the average couple would.<\/p>\n

At any rate, that’s not really a big story, unless one of the shots showed Brady missing his knee, which he didn’t appear to be. So you’d think that the news of a supermodel and her athlete boyfriend going on vacation wouldn’t be a big deal. But you wouldn’t be Boston Globe<\/em> columnist Dan Shaughnessy, who sees in the basic human emotion displayed in these pictures a difficult truth: Tom Brady is totally dickless, yo<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Now, you might think that’s insane, given that the proof of Brady’s emasculation appears to be his ability to be in a mutually loving relationship with the highest-paid supermodel on the planet, which when last I checked was supposed to be the goal for all manly men to aspire to. ((Yes, I’m being facetious)) But you see, Gisele appears to love Tom back<\/em>, and that will never<\/em> do:<\/p>\n

Yesterday was the last straw. You know what I’m talking about. You opened your newspaper (or perhaps viewed online) and saw the photograph of Gisele Bundchen feeding Brady at poolside in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.<\/p>\n

That did it. The tipping point. The\u00a0coup de grace. The shark jumped.<\/p>\n

She was\u00a0feeding him.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Uh, yeah, she was:<\/p>\n

\"brady_bundchen2__1233070629_7795.jpg\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Horrible, ain’t it? Two human beings who are in a long-term, committed relationship, one of whom is offering a potato chip to the other. You see two human beings in a caring relationship. Shaughnessy sees wimpiness:<\/p>\n

We put up with a lot. We were OK with Tom as Gisele’s errand boy, Tom bringing home the flowers, Tom walking Gisele’s dog. We were good with Tom and Gisele canoodling in the candlelight, holding hands coming out of a restaurant.<\/p>\n

But you simply cannot have your quarterback being fed like an infant at poolside. Remember, people – this is a football player we’re talking about. This is your quarterback. Think there’s any photographic evidence of Johnny Unitas being spoon-fed? Bet Slingin’ Sammy Baugh’s wife never tried to sling any hash into his mouth.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Yeah! Take that, Brady! A real man simply steals the potato chip off his girlfriend’s plate, and then laughs when she said she wanted to eat it! A real man tells his girlfriend, “Screw you, I don’t want your frakkin’ potato chip!” A real man is an asshole. Come on, Brady, you were doing so well with the dumping of Bridget Moynahan when she got pregnant<\/a>. Where’s that spark of jerkiness now?<\/p>\n

Ever see a high school player injured in the middle of the game and have his mother run onto the field to hover over him? That’s what this is like. A guy might never recover.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Yes, that’s right: being fed potato chips on a beach while on vacation in Mexico by your supermodel girlfriend is exactly<\/em> like having your parent be worried about you when you’re a kid.<\/p>\n

Shaughnessy admits, of course, that he’s jealous (no!) of Tom for having an attractive, loving girlfriend, and complains a bit more about Brady being spoon-fed out of a Gerber jar, because, again, that’s exactly what’s this is like. And then he says something very telling:<\/p>\n

The balanced view, of course, would be that Tom is secure enough in his own skin to let us see his sensitive side. He’s just a guy in love and he wants the world to know. It’s not his fault that the paparazzi dog his every move. He should be allowed to have private moments, just like everybody else. He shows tremendous restraint not punching out those TMZ guys.<\/p>\n

But enough is enough.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Seriously, that’s a whole lot of screwed up there. Because yes, Tom Brady appears to be in love, and his girlfriend appears to be in love too, and the two act like they’re in love because — sit down — humans are capable of feeling love<\/em>. Even the ones who are football players.<\/p>\n

That’s what Shaughnessy objects to here. That Brady is screwing up the vibe. Men don’t love — everyone knows that. We lust, sure, we like to have sex. But love? Love is for homosexuals and women. Loving someone shows weakness. Because Tom Brady is in love, he’s now too weak to be an NFL quarterback.<\/p>\n

Only if he proves he’s a scumbag, bereft of emotions other than lust and rage, can he be a worthy athlete. Only if he reacts to his girlfriend’s gesture of affection with cold disdain, or better, a closed fist — only then can he truly be the kind of manly man we expect him to be.<\/p>\n

It’s a depressing way to look at the world. But it’s an all-too-common one. And that’s why this column, while repulsive, is all-too-unsurprising.<\/p>\n

(Via Deadspin<\/a>)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So photos recently surfaced of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and supermodel Giselle B\u00fcndchen on vacation in Mexico together, hanging out and being schmoopy and generally doing the kind of things one does when one’s on vacation with one’s … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[31,107,131],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6488","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-feminism-sexism-etc","category-sexism-hurts-men","category-sports"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6488","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6488"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6488\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6488"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6488"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amptoons.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6488"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}