This cartoon is by me and Kevin Moore.
From the Bible (2 Kings 2, specifically):
He went up from there to Bethel, and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” And he turned around, and when he saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys.
To modern readers, that sure seems like a disproportionate punishment.
Some apologists make interesting points about this passage (like suggesting “small boys” may not be the best translation). But I enjoy the less erudite defenses. Here are five real quotes found online, from sincere defenders:
The real question is this: Why doesn’t God send bears to maul all of us?
The text nowhere says they were killed.
Let’s be realistic—42 kids are going to run in 42 different directions. Two bears are only going to get two kids.
Because it says Elisha cursed them, and then it says the two bears split the children, we assume cause and effect.
But seriously, are you going to take the side of the 42 kids ganging up on an old man?
Honestly, if I had the ability to send bears to maul strangers who “LOL” at me online… well, I probably still wouldn’t do it. But the temptation would be there.
In my script for panel three, I just said two bears attack the boy. So it cracked me up when I saw Kevin’s pencils, and he’d drawn the bears, not mauling with claw and teeth, but stomping and punching like a couple of mob enforcers.
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has four panels.
PANEL 1
A smirking teenager sits at a table, typing on a laptop. A caption lets us see what’s on the laptop screen.
YouWho: God is loving and merciful.
FRIEDFRED: shut up baldy lol
PANEL 2
The teen jumps in fright as a huge bear breaks through the window in the background. We can see a second bear behind the first bear.
BEAR: RAWR
TEEN: Eep!
PANEL 3
Punching and stomping, the two bears beat the crap out of the teenager.
TEENAGER: Aaah! Aaaah! Help me! Oh God! Why?!
PANEL 4
In a coffee shop, a giant man, wearing sandals and a purple robe, sits at a table typing on a laptop. The giant man, who is God, is bald on top, with long gray hair and a long gray beard. He’s grinning sadistically. The table and laptop look tiny next to him.
GOD: LOL AT ME, WILL HE?
CAPTION AT THE BOTTOM
BEWARE GOD’S SOCK PUPPETS
CHICKEN FAT WATCH
“Chicken fat” is what we called fun little details before the world starting calling them “Easter eggs.”
PANEL 1: A poster in the background shows two football players crashing helmets together, with the caption “Football: Get Some Brain Damage!” The bag of chips is called “Zit-O’s.” A sticker on the laptop says “Fall Out Boy,” which (Kevin informs me) is an actual emo band.
PANEL 2: The cat, which had been napping on the windowsill, leaps high into the air with a hilarious expression of terror. The laptop sticker now says “All Time Low” (another emo band), while the chips are now named “Uh-O’s.” The poster has changed to show a superhero with huge muscles and the caption “He’s So Super!”
PANEL 3: The cat, now calm, is taking a video of the fight.
PANEL 4: God’s laptop says “YHWH Or The Highway” on the back. The menu in the background lists “sex toys” as an option.
this is funny