Over at Manboobz, David summarizes a Spearhead discussion which concludes that women simply can’t write poetry as well as men.
In the thread, some commenters began writing poetry about MRA ideologies. I decided to take it a step further and pen a few famous poems as if they had been written by MRAs.
The Red Indignity
so much depends
upon
a lonely boy
inside
a rising elevator
damp
from girl’s disdainful
spit
This is just to say
we have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
we wanted
so we took
‘cuz that’s how girls
roll
Beta
Because I could not stop for Beta,
He kindly stopped for me;
That’s what a girl expects from men–
Consummate chivalry.
He gave a rose, he bought my lunch,
And showered me with cash.
My days became sweet leisure, too,
Bon-bons and watching MASH.
We passed date one, that night he strove
to rein in his desire;
We passed date two, though yearning built
to remove my underwire.
I was a ware he’d purchased,
yet his sampling was delayed.
He ached to strip my flimsy gown,
to at last get fucking laid.
Third date, we paused before his door,
his swelling clearly ripe;
He’d done with waiting gently for
my lips to smoke his pipe.
Upon the ground, we wrangled
til he overcame my moue.
But victory belonged to me:
his child support is due.
“Overcame my moue” is—is—
Oh we are not worthy, no. Nossir, no we aren’t.
Can’t pretty much *any* discussion at Spearhead be summarized with “Girls are icky and should stay out of our clubhouse”?
You are fucking hilarious.
I have also reworked a classic poem, in the style of a feminist as MRAs imagine them:
HOP POP We like to hop
We like to hop on top of pop
STOP You must not hop on pop
Fuck you, pop, this is what you get
For 3500 years of patriarchy, you bastard
You forgot the part about how they only HOP ON POP in order to steal Pop’s sperm and stick him with child support.
Well, that goes without saying!
Awesome! I laughed aloud at the Dickinson send-up.
Grace
Without either agreeing or disagreeing with The Underlying Semiotics, I admit I thought “Beta” was pretty funny. Very well done, Mandolin.
Somebody should give you an award or somethin’.
;-)
File a couple of these under “damn!-I-wish-I’d-written-that!” They are very funny.
On a more serious note, it’s not just MRAs who think women just can’t cut it as writers. Nobel laureate V. S. Naipul has weighed in on the question as well, and he comes down firmly on the side of male superiority, mostly his own. And just for fun, here’s the very tongue-in-cheek quiz The Guardian came up with to test your ability to know in a paragraph or so whether an author is a man or a woman–which Naipul claims he can do. Answering pretty much at random–not entirely because I thought I recognized plot details in a couple of the passages–I scored 5 out of 5, which earned me a score of “Sloppy thinking. You clearly need to read more books by men.”
Sweet jesus, you have introduced me to a part of the internet I did not know existed before: the mansphere. How abhorrent. Well, since I don’t associate with singleminded whiny douchebags, I will now go back to not knowing those people exist. Equality is clearly champing at their heels, if they’re so concerned about stupid little women upsetting their poor beta lives.