Monday baby blogging: Amp bitches about junk mail edition

My credit card companies keep on mailing me “convenience checks.” These are checks I can use just like an ordinary check, except that the money will be charged to my credit card and I’ll be charged fifteen bucks for the privilege.

What puzzles me is that they’re called “convenience” checks. As I recall, the sales pitch for credit cards (back when mass-marketed credit cards were new) was that they were supposed to be much more convenient than writing checks. Okay, so now, in order to make the credit cards I use instead of checks because they’re more convenient yet more convenient, I’m now supposed to write checks instead of using credit cards?


In fact, they’re damn inconvenient, because I can’t just throw blank checks into the recycle bin and leave it on the curb; I’m fine with people going through my recycling for the bottles with deposits on ’em, but blank checks is another matter. So they have to be shredded.

But we here at “Alas” headquarters prefer not to give our money to the corporate fascist makers of paper-shredding machines. So we’ve developed our own all-natural and holistic method of safely disposing of those “convenience” checks.

Maddox shreds a troublesome document

(Bet you were wondering what any of this had to do with baby blogging!)

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12 Responses to Monday baby blogging: Amp bitches about junk mail edition

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  2. 2
    Robert says:

    I want to eat that baby.

  3. 3
    Ann says:

    If you want to reduce junk mail, you can register with these folks:

    Sending them a letter is free; registering online is $5. I do it every time I move. It takes a few weeks to kick in, but works like a charm. Since all that’s required is a name, address, and signature, it’s possible to do it for former residents of your current address too, if you don’t mind forging their signature. Not that I would ever do such a thing.

    To stop those annoying advertisements and dangerous fake checks that used to come from companies I *do* have accounts with, I called them up and tell them to stop sending me these things. It worked.

  4. 4
    Ledasmom says:


  5. 5
    NancyP says:

    Much cuter than my disposal method. Shred, then mix with used cat litter. Let the thieves pick thru cat turds and ammoniated clay.

  6. 6
    Angiportus says:

    Cute, but are you sure you really want the kid ingesting a lot of paper and who-knows-what kind of ink?

  7. 7
    Grace says:


    And LOL.

  8. 8
    F says:

    By the way- I used to get those ‘checks’ all the time too, until I called my credit card company and asked politely but very firmly if they could kindly never send them again. Haven’t seen any since.

  9. 9
    halfmad says:

    I knew someone would do a baby drive-by about the terribleness of “letting your child eat horrible things.” I have a feeling this isn’t the child’s daily fare.

  10. 10
    Rachel S. says:

    Ok, thought you were going to say you used it for what comes out the other end of the baby!! I know my head is in the gutter.

    I am totally with you on this. I actually bought a shredder recently for exactly this purpose. I put it off for a long time, but in my laziness and my sincere concern that somebody could get ahold of my SSN or my account number. I was ripping things up, but that wasn’t enough (especially when you live in an apt in the NYC area).

    When or if I have a child, I think I will save them for baby wipes.

  11. 11
    gengwall says:

    When I was a kid, I thought it was so cool that our mail box was stuffed full of all these interesting things everyday. LOL. If I only knew then what I know now, I would have been a lot nicer to my parents.

  12. 12
    L says:

    heh heh heh :) THis post really made my day!