I was reading about abortion and birth control int he 1930s, and I read this quote:
I have three living well grown loving daughters and have always had a reasonable rest between, thanks due entirely to my husband who never dreams of worrying my more than once or perhaps twice a month
This reminded me of something I’d read by Grace Paley. She was writing about her husband’s mother, who was old and dying. She asked Grace Paley about Women’s Lib. You should read Just As I Thought because I can’t do justice to the whole conversation. I’ll just quote the end of the piece:
She was tired. That’s a lot, she said. Then she went upstairs to sleep.
In the morning she surprised us. She came down for breakfast. I couldn’t sleep, she said. I was up all night thinking of what you said. You know, she said, there isn’t a thing I’ve done in my life that I haven’t done for some man. Dress up or go out or take a job or quit or go home or leave. Or even be quiet or say something nice, things like that. You know I as up all night thinking about you and especially those young women. I couldn’t stop thinking about what wonderful lives they’re going to have
My life is wonderful. It’s a lot of other things, at times, but it is wonderful.
The only way I can give any meaning to what I have is to honour the struggles that went into getting it and keep fighting.
Consider the work that those men had to do. Don’t you realize that everything men did, they did for their families too? What, you think that men worked miserable jobs before people invented things like “safety” and “labour laws” for fun?
Compared to _all_ our grandparents, we have wonderful lives. Not just the women.
That was beautiful.
Silence, you’re missing the point. You think feminism is about getting women a life where they don’t have to work and sit around eating bon-bons all day? No.
The point is that the life worth living is one that allows for independent thinking and independent spirit. Men maybe had to work hard, but they were enticed to do so by the promise that at the end of the day, what they worked for belonged to them. Women did not have even that.
Women also work and worked in horrible sweatshop jobs under horrible labor conditions, labor laws or no. Feminism and workers rights still have a ways to go. Silence’s “what about the men” comment is not only malignly intended and distracting, its also ill-conceived due to what we now call “gender blindness” but what used to be called “sexism.”
I know, I think about that stuff a lot, as I’ve gotten older… my grandmother was literally “farmed out to the local boy” at age 15… uprooted from the south and taken to New York City (which terrified her), she gave birth to a disabled child at age 16 and became a domestic at age 18. I was very critical of her growing up, and now that I have a clue, I wish I had known how to honor her experience.
One thing I do is take her name, which was Daisy. :)
Beautiful post. It reminds me that regardless of how much more work there is to do (and there is more, don’t think otherwise), things are still so much better than they used to be. We should be both glad and vigilant, I think.
My maternal grandfather died quite young, and the local (rural) community expected my grandmother to marry again quickly. After all, how could a woman expect to run a farm with nobody left to help but one (adult) son? This was the late ’50s. And indeed, Grandma did have suitors. She wasn’t interested. When pressed, she said she wasn’t going to take care of any more men.
She and my uncle managed the farm quite well, and she lived a long and full life. My uncle gradually gave up farming after she died, first leasing out the land to the local agribusiness and then finally selling the property. I think he just didn’t have the heart to continue it.
1) one woman said something
2) another woman couldn’t sleep because of this, and next morning she felt convinced by what the first woman said
3) therefore what the first woman said was right and true
@Amanda – my understanding was that this post was about hardship. In terms of freedom, I totally agree that women had none in the past. A woman was expected to be a man’s servant (or “home manager” as conservative MRAs euphemistically call it). I just think that in terms of the misery, exploitation, and labour of a working-class person of the time should not be thought of in exclusively feminist terms.
I just think that too many feminists imagine their grandfathers resting on their laurels while their wives were slaves. The fact is that the men were expected to perform the most grueling and life-threatening work imaginable in order to protect and feed that wife and her children (who likely, the man would never really get to know).
I live in a steel city – I’m surrounded by the history of labour, before unions won decent conditions for workers. I wouldn’t wish that life on anyone.
“I just think that too many feminists imagine their grandfathers resting on their laurels while their wives were slaves. ”
That’s a bullshit generalization. Watch it.
No, “All feminists” or “many feminists” would be a bullshit generalization. “Too many” feminists is not.
It remains inaccurate and insulting, and it’s a bullshit generalization as long as it’s been pulled straight out of your ass. I could say “Too many people named Silenced Foo like murdering puppies” and it would be a bullshit statement; if I said “Too many people LIKE Silenced Foo like murdering puppies” it would be a bullshit generalization.
Find me 5 blog articles where the attitude you critique is expressed, or back off the claim.
@Mandolin:
Offhand, there’s this one:
http://feministing.com/archives/007623.html
talking about “unequal division of labour”.
Slightly less relevantly, there’s Caldicott’s pissing on veterans, describing the desire to enlist as bloodlust.
I’d need more time to find more, and my lunch break just ended.
This is the full text of the entry you imply supports your claim. It does not. Try again.
Consider the work that those men had to do.
Who gives a shit?
Consider the thousands of historical accounts that have never once mentioned the work of women. How about YOU consider this post “equal time”?
What I find tedious is how every post about women, somehow, has to be about men. Of course, isn’t EVERYTHING about men? Aren’t THEY the important people? God forbid, we don’t mention men every time we mention women! I mean, you know, the poor fragile dears might die from lack of constant attention, since it appears their egos need stroking every damn second.
Everything is not about MEN. Like this thread. Suck it up and move on.
Silence is Foo – Please don’t comment in this thread any more. You’re derailing it, and you clearly didn’t understand what I had to say.
Thanks for your comments, everyone else