Amy Ozols has a weight-loss plan for you:
Step 3: Get rid of your “fat clothes.” Keeping your closet stocked with unflattering garments will only distract you from your quest for a slender body. To complete this step, shred or burn everything in your closet, including any hangers or shelving that a fat person may have touched. Refrain from donating anything to charity, as this could cause underprivileged people to become obese, which would be unsavory and possibly even illegal.
Step 4: Refrain from consuming food.
Step 5: Surround yourself with thin people. This will naturally encourage you to emulate their healthy habits. Weigh your friends on a regular basis, then weigh yourself. Do you have a friend who weighs less than you? If so, consider gastric bypass surgery.
Read the other six steps here.
Posted in Fat, fat, and more fat
Um, I thought you’d be interested in this. That’s why I posted it on the Dec. 30th Open Thread. It’s post #27. But, I didn’t title it, so I can understand why you might have missed it. So, I’m glad you posted it with a big *fat* title, so it won’t get missed again!
Whoops! I did get it from you, Eva — I just forgot where I had gotten the link from. (It happens to me a lot when tabs sit open for several days.) Sorry about that — I’ll update the post.
Thanks to you both for posting this! It was my first laugh of the day, and I was in desperate need of one.
Thanks Ampersand and glad I could help provide a laugh Wendy!
So glad I was able to tell this is satire almost immediately. There are so many subjects where sincere opinion pieces are so extreme that they become impossible to write satire about. It makes me sad, as a writer and as a person.