Humans Had a Nice Run

Our species accomplished a lot in the 200,000 years we were around. The Mona Lisa. Landing on the Moon. The Snuggie. But clearly, our time as masters of our domain is over; there is no question that today’s news represents the first clear and convincing sign that our species is doomed.

Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., is one of the 100 most influential humans alive.

There is quite simply nothing that can be said to redeem this. If Bachmann is in the 99.9999987th percentile of influential humans, then our species has clearly reached its endpoint. If Bachmann is one of the 100 people directing the course of humanity, we are not only being directed to our demise, but we clearly deserve to be.

Michele Bachmann would have too much power as a volunteer parent on a PTA. The reasons are legion — her bigotry, her zealotry, her tenuous grasp of the facts about literally anything, her  abuse of power — these words don’t do justice to the kind of politician Bachmann is. She is the worst kind of leader: cock-sure, radical, unwilling to listen to anyone who disagrees with her. That she was a member of the Minnesota Senate was an affront to the institution. That she is a member of Congress is an affront to the nation.

That she has made this list? That is an affront to humanity, nature, and if there is one, to God. If she is truly among the best our species has to offer, then let our species perish; the cephalopods could scarcely do worse.

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7 Responses to Humans Had a Nice Run

  1. 1
    RonF says:

    Hm. “Most influential” is kind of like Time’s “Person of the Year”. The fact that you’re influential doesn’t mean that you’re working in the cause of good. Or that said influence is justified either on morals or merit. Adolph Hitler was once their Man of the Year, and justifiably so.

  2. 2
    Mokele says:

    All we need is more selection. I vote for cloning/resurrecting Baurusuchus. Nothing weeds out stupid people like an animal that looks like the bastard kid of a crocodile and T. rex, especially when it’s 20 feet long, terrestrial, and can gallop.

  3. 3
    nobody.really says:

    As I asked previously, has anyone else experienced trouble with their Skynet systems?

    The solution to all our problems may be closer than we think.

  4. 4
    Camille says:

    Wow cloning… seems to be too much. What would you think of meeting yourself in the hallway or in the streets. in my opinion HUMAN WILL ALWAYS have A NICE RUN

  5. 5
    ballgame says:

    That list also includes Amy Poehler, Colin Firth, Blake Lively, Sting, and Kim Clijsters, and omits Glenn Greenwald, which suggests to me the list should not be taken too seriously.

    But I would agree with your basic point, Jeff, that Michele Bachmann’s presence in Congress is pretty disturbing.

  6. 6
    Korolev says:

    Is Bachmann influential? YES – because plenty of morons listen to her. I actually agree with most of the people on the Time’s “most influential” list. Remember, it’s not “best person” or “Most powerful” person (I mean, if it was a list of the most powerful people in the world, I can guarantee you’d probably never recognize most of the names on the list) But it’s influence – for good or for bad. Justin Bieber is one of the most influential people in North America – not because his music is any good or because he’s particularly rich or powerful, but because he’s really, really famous.

    Her being on this list is sad, but not unexpected. Millions listened to Hitler. Millions more listened to Mao and Stalin. There are millions of bigots and homophobes and racists and misogynists all around the globe – so it’s not that surprising that millions would listen to Bachmann and her nonsensical drivel.

    If it makes you feel any better, she does share the list with Justin Bieber.

  7. 7
    Lizzzzzzzz says:

    Gaddafi is on this list, and you’re ragging on Michelle Bachman?