Everyone who has played role-playing games for a while has their “idiot” stories, about the worst role-playing they’ve ever seen. The wonderful thing about internet role-playing is that the idiocy can be recorded for posterity.
Which brings us to what may be the dumbest role playing in history. And, speaking as a man, let me say – damn!, some men are weird. Check it out.
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Oh my GAWD.
First: The GM’s solution to the problem was spot-on perfect.
Second: Then the freak whines “You can’t do that to my character!” Puh-leeze. Don’t say, “You’re the GM, you think of something” and then act surprised when she uses GM fiat to turn your character into a de-dicked stain.
Wow. This guy is so enamored of coerced sex that he turns a non-sexual RPG into an excuse to force a non-sexual female creature to give him a blow-job?!
Is it just me, or is there more to this than weird/socially retarded/giant asshole? Is this guy practicing for RL sexual assault or what?
I’ve seen a lot of bad role-playing from the socially awkward and stupid in my time, but that was really, really bad.
Mostly, though, my gaming has been in person. It tends to cut down on the out-of-nowhere crazy stuff, since you’re actually in the room with people. I can’t imagine this guy looking the GM in the eyes and bringing out his character’s “member”.
But then, again, I’ve been wrong before.
Here’s a role-playing story, which I unfortunately got second-hand. It was my friends’ first Rifts game (before I joined the group), and the GM didn’t really know what direction he wanted to take things. The players decided to take initiative and rob a bank–a doable task for a group of newbies, or so they thought. They hadn’t counted on their utter lack of competence, and neither had the GM.
They were doing fine at first. They burst into the small lobby, brandishing their weapons at the single clerk. He raised his hands over his head and had no intention of resistance. Then one of the players decided it would be easier to deal with their new hostage if he was dead. So he shot at him with a laser gun, missing by a good meter. The clerk decided that he had to fight for his life, and yanked the mouse out of his computer and started wielding it like a flail. Before standing on his desk, he got a stapler off it. He had first initiative and dealt a severe mouse-blow to one of the players. He only took one minor wound, while the rest of the players missed him. He then leaped off his desk and put a couple of staples in one of the players’ foreheads. By the time they finally killed him, the lobby was full of security and half of the players were wounded. Needless to say, they did not make their bank withdrawal that day.
Damn, I haven’t RP’ed in a LONG time, but even I know rule #1 (and, further, rules #2, #3 ….), namely :
DON’T PISS OFF YOUR GM/DM!!!!
Horrible, awful, apololyptic, ‘your grandchildren will feel it’, things will happen to your character if you do. GMs/DMs are gods in their worlds, and we are talking Old Testament style gods, Greek Myth gods. Infinite power, low bullshit fuse.
But the insane stupidity of saying “you fix it” to a female GM (I mean, can there BE an any more of a danger laden sentence to say to a female GM) in relation to male genitalia aside, and leaving the physical, biological, and hydralic issues of a 6 foot penis as well, one has to wonder about the insecurity issues the person behind the character has to have for his character to need such a … um … overwhelming, display of ‘manhood’.
I mean, I know a lot of RP’ers tend to have social interaction issues, but even given that, DAMN. That was ‘Darwin Award’ level stupidity.
I got ejected years ago from my first/only role-playing experience for “not taking it seriously enough.” Not that it killed my friendship with the gamers or anything. We just all arrived at the conclusion that I was not a gamer at heart.
There may be a marketing bonanza here, though– If nobody has ever written a manual strictly dealing with gaming etiquette and appropriate responses to those who clearly don’t comprehend what etiquette is. Just remember me after you hit bestseller status, please.
Anyone here read Ben Elton’s _Stark_? A character in that got his boy bits blown off in Vietnam, hence his dungeons and dragons character is a sweet little old wizard who happens to have to push his balls around on a trolley. Think that’s the case here? ;)
Push his balls in a trolley? Now that’s what I call a bad case of elephantiasis. :)
Coming back to this post, oh dear. I’d think of something witty but I have to admit I’m shaking my head and laughing. though the undertone of ‘service me, bitch’ implies that he’s not just confused about where the power lies, but thinks it ought to be with him.
That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever read. I’m totally mentally blocking the power/interpersonal relationship confusion and trying to focus just on the funny, though.
I GM, but I rarely get even a hint at that level of twit. The only player I have currently that might even think of it would never say those things to me because I scare him.
Are we giving our honest opinions here? In real life, I’m betting 6-foot-penis man is closer to 6 centimeters. This sounds like a tragic case of overcompensation to me. If 6-foot-penis guy is over 16 I feel very, very sorry for him.
Which is why I don’t get involved in RPS’s, by the way, even though I love fantasy and sci-fi and have even been known to write it. There’s a certain kind of guy who thinks “fantasy” equals “warrior babes in metal bikinis” and ALWAYS feels the need to unleash the badly written porn. I’m embarrassed for them.
There’s a certain kind of guy who thinks “fantasy” equals “warrior babes in metal bikinis” and ALWAYS feels the need to unleash the badly written porn. I’m embarrassed for them.
Hey, don’t knock warrior babes in metal bikinis! Some of us that aren’t guys do tend to enjoy such women turning up from time to time in scifi and fantasy ;)
Yesterday, I accidentally stumbled onto the probable source of Mr. Roleplay’s inspiration [sic]. The webiste B Notes makes reference to a blaxploitation/horror flick of yore in which a vengeful ex-con strangles his enemies with his giant mutant– uh, you know. There really is nothing new under the sun, I guess.
I have a different problem with male role-players. Yes, I realize I am one, but I try to avoid this common failing: a lot of guys “roll-play” instead of role-playing. That means that they care more about beefing up their characters’ stats, and hence their dice rolls, than getting into character and immersing themselves in the fantasy world. The girl roleplayers I’ve known, on the other hand, prefer dieless freestyle.
Hey, don’t knock warrior babes in metal bikinis! Some of us that aren’t guys do tend to enjoy such women turning up from time to time in scifi and fantasy ;)
and some of us that are guys find them endlessly obnoxious.
“that’s supposed to be armor? put some goddamn pants on. you aren’t bulletproof.”
I have no objection to the use of bikinis worn under armor, or when lounging around the home/castle/spaceship. Samus, for example, is just fine in her bikini under the half ton suit of powered armor.
but chainmail bikinis and broadswords are just a bad idea. because there’s just too much exposed flesh for the werewolf or zombie to bite.
Green eyes widening with shock, Tiarke jumped back as the massive, slug-like thing fell with an audible thud to hit the branch they were standing on.
That is awesome, particularly the “audible thud” part. But, still, it’s no “flaming gazebo,” is it?
karpad –
I have no objection to the use of bikinis worn under armor, or when lounging around the home/castle/spaceship. Samus, for example, is just fine in her bikini under the half ton suit of powered armor.
but chainmail bikinis and broadswords are just a bad idea. because there’s just too much exposed flesh for the werewolf or zombie to bite.
I think it must be a Xena thing … ah, the scarring of a teenage adoration :)
But yes, I will agree, women in power armor rock …. or better yet, women operating Mechs :)
piter wrote, among other stuff:
Nooo! Don’t take my precious, sweet, lovable, high-rolling d20s from me!
Ok, ok. That’s sort of true, but I for one do like the random, honest, unforeseeable element that throwing the dice brings (and GMs are just human, and very suspectible to bribes and coercion in deciding who can do what in diceless game ;) ). Social interaction situations in-game are much better handled with minimal dice involvement, though.
And the 6 footer… The GMs response was absolutely brialliant. I suppose the guy with the, um, well-endowed character was expecting 1) Cooperation, or 2) A scared response. Both would probably have given a sort of feeling of power.
Typo, brilliant, I mean.
Personally, I prefer diced freestyle. I don’t find rule systems useful or necessary when role-playing, and we pretty much do without them in our game. But sometimes it’s useful to roll a die or flip a coin (aka “roll a two-sided die”) in order to simulate the effects of luck on characters’ actions.
“the undertone of ‘service me, bitch’ implies that he’s not just confused about where the power lies, but thinks it ought to be with him.”
Well, of course. He does, after all, have teh penis. Not any more though. ;)
I think dice are fine, and that even complex rule systems are fine. I just think that that character stats shouldn’t be the focus of the players. Surviving and kicking ass are important, but getting into character, in my opinion, is vastly more so.
That dude was definitely an idiot to come out of the blue like that, and to piss off the GM…woe!! But about the skimpy armor issue. I GM and have had female gamers in my group. I’m also an artist and I have drawn characters for my gamers if they want it. Problem is the chicks get their pics quicker than the guys do, and more often as well. I’ll admit to drawing them in skimpy armor or tight clothing…HEY IT’S FANTASY ART.. None of the ladies have ever had a problem. Just cause I draw Mariah in a tight silk dress doesn’t mean that is the only attire she owns, nor will you see her stalking through a dungeon in anything but elven chain mail. The point is these are fantasy games. But back to the dude with the six footer… the only difference in how I would have handled that is I would have had the guy beat with his pecker and then used the skin as a body bag…Man I couldn’t stop laughing at this dudes responses to the GM..