Assuming that you’re a female undergraduate, that is.
The IWF, a partisan think tank that specializes in hewing to the GOP party line (the “I” stands for “independent,” which I assume is a joke) and attacking feminism, is holding a student essay contest. To enter the contest, you have to be a full-time undergraduate in the 05-06 school year, and a woman.
I think it would be great if dozens and dozens of undergrads from the feminist blogosphere entered this contest. Here’s the theme:
Please discuss your experience on college campus as an independent woman. How has your college or university helped or hindered your intellectual and personal growth? Please describe what you think it means to be an independent woman in the year 2005.
They only want 750 words, which is nothing. $5000 first prize, $3000 second prize, $2000 third prize, and $500 for 10 honorable mentions.
Since this is the IWF, I predict that the winning essays will frequently touch on these four much-beloved IWF themes (or variations thereof):
- It’s so sad how the bitter drones who teach Women’s Studies think that they’re independent, when they’re actually sheep. But by standing up to bullying feministas, I learned how to be truly independent.
- Our Adventure in Iraq/reading about women under Islamic law/women under Saddam has taught me that my independence is a priceless treasure. (Bonus points if you personally served in Iraq – or claim you did – before attending college).
- I’m a person of color, to use a PC phrase I personally find silly, and boy do liberals strike me as condescending and racist! Affirmative Action is even more racist and insulting than liberals are! Only conservatives treat me like a person, instead of a skin color. I just want to be independent and free, like my hero, Laura Bush.
- My best friend thought that “hooking up” with lots of guys meant she was independent, but really she was just being used by men who wanted to avoid commitment. My real independence lies in waiting for the right guy, even though liberal students and profs make fun of me, because they’re all so elite and insensitive.
Nothing in the rules requires the essays to be non-fiction or even sincere, so make up stuff the IWF wants to hear. There’s no entry fee, and no limit on the number of times you can submit essays. Midge Decker is one of the judges, so being subtly homophobic won’t hurt your chances.
Don’t be too obvious about it, and who knows? Maybe early next year, you’ll have $5000 anti-feminist dollars to help with tuition. Or if you’re in a giving mood, give a big chunk to the Feminist Majority Foundation or Emily’s List – and ask them to send a thank-you note to the IWF.
Hmm. Pretending to be a winger is easy enough. But can I pretend to be a woman? And a college student? Five thousand simoleons would be plenty nice…
I dunno–I think it would be really cool if they got inundated with entries that described how feminism has helped them, how anti-feminists on campus are bitter, and how they’re plain too busy to care about what men think and how the men resent it.
But that would be my college experience, and reality doesn’t jibe with the IWF’s rhetoric.
I also like your idea–with the addendum that the winner, if she gives the prize money away to an organization like NOW or FMF, send it in honor of the IWF (and send the IWF a note to that affect).
Heh.
This being the IWF and all, I suppose you’d probably get extra points if you could show that you got a man to write it for you. You know, because you have more important things to do like baking and living up to Cathy Allen’s exacting standards of beauty.
I’m not an undergrad and am probably in the wrong country, but i think i might write up an entry to this anyway just for satirical purposes. Taking the piss out of folks like that is always a laugh.
Sheelzebub, they’d just toss those in the round file. Much funnier to have somebody play them.
Midge Decker is one of the judges
You just can’t make this stuff up.
“the “I” stands for “independent,” which I assume is a joke”
It is. Hell, they dry-hump every male Republican politician that comes out, bashes so called “girly-men Dems,” and tells “uppity” feminist women to sit down and shut-up–like some insecure macho-jock. I wonder what kind of anti-feminist consolation prize the Stepfordwives over at the Concerned Women of America would offer?
actually, at least in my college experience, #1 on your list is completely accurate.
Well, *I* find it silly because it’s just a syntactic reordering of the old “colored person” descriptor. I’d hate to be called a chicken hawk, but call me a hawk chicken and it’s fine? Whatever. As for what to replace it with, how about “human”.
I don’t find it silly; calling people what they themselves wish to be called makes sense to me.
But that part of my post was supposed to be satire. Clearly, the joke fell flat. Oh, well.
Amp,
I got the satire, as did others, I think. I daresay it was very good satire at that as it made me laugh out loud.
The LOL bit is my litmus test for good satire.
FWIW, You passed my test!
I’m trying to think of every woman feminist friend of mine who’s still in college to send this to. So far thought of one. If someone does win by taking your suggestions in this post, that would be utterly hilarious.
And the parentheses about person of color threw me off too. For me it was a severe case of cognitive dissonance.
I’m going to do this, and I bet I can win too seeing as I go to the University of North Dakota (it doesn’t get much more conservative). I bet I can bitch about how much money the Indian Studies department is wasting about changing our team’s name (The Fighting Sioux) and how noisy and disruptive the Measure One Walkout was last Novermber (North Dakota voted to ammend the state constitution to ban civil unions). I could probably go on about how much of a presence the Campus Crusaders are. The trick I think is to not let the sarcasm get to strong and not to lie. There is a trick to saying things that are 100% true, but people get the entirely wrong idea about what they mean.
Antigone,
If you do write one, I hope you’ll send it to Amp so he can post it for all of us to enjoy.
I don’t know…It’s one thing to embarass oneself in front of total strangers that I have little respect for…it’s another to embarrass oneself in front of a blogging community that one actually wants to be considered intelligent at.
… it’s another to embarrass oneself in front of a blogging community that one actually wants to be considered intelligent at.
Okay, maybe Amp could include it in a monday baby blogging post where the cute-rush will carry over to your essay and we’ll be convinced that it is the most brilliant thing we’ve ever read, no matter how good or bad it is.
Hehe, well I guess I can try. (And, odds are, Amp won’t post it anyway).
I think what people dislike about the term “person of color,” is that it is used as a catch-all phrase to mean anyone who is not white. It essentially divides people into two groups: whites and everyone else. Put another way, people are not defining themselves by what they are, but what they aren’t. I think that there are quite a few Indians, Asians, and Latinos who would prefer to be identified by their specific ethnicity than simply lumped together with everyone else who is non-white.
White people are not enamored of the term because in trying to unite everyone except for them under a term, there is the implication that everyone else should be united against them.
If the term “person of color” were simply a synonym for African-American, I doubt that most people would have a problem with it. Even if it referred to all dark-skinned peoples (e.g. Indians and Australian aboriginals), I don’t think people would have a problem with it. But the fact that the term includes absolutely everyone except for white people tends to make it seem specifically anti-white.
I actually have the opposite problem – because the term seems to exclude Whites, it tends to subtly perpetuate the cultural idea that “White” is the default, “normal” state, and being anything but White is a deviation from that norm.
Antigone, if you want to have a chance of winning the contest, I think it’s a good idea to not post it on “Alas” until after the contest is over.
Hmm. I wonder if I could write an essay on failing to negotiate the “old boys club” of the physical sciences department of the local University.
Or maybe then how I went back to college (since all the University profs told me I wasn’t smart enough to be at University level) and started pulling straight A’s… as soon as I learned how to pretend to admire the male teachers while never letting on that I was smarter than they were.
Honestly, I have some impressively garbage assignments from those years that are straight A graded. Deliberate garbage.
Oh yeah, that enriched my intellectual growth.
Oh, Lordie… I’m finishing my last quarter in December, and I could really use the money. But I’m not sure I could bring myself to stoop that low, even for $5000. I’d rather just join an escort service and be done with it.
~CA~
“I actually have the opposite problem – because the term seems to exclude Whites, it tends to subtly perpetuate the cultural idea that “White” is the default, “normal” state, and being anything but White is a deviation from that norm.”
Actually, I see that as a problem, too.
Midge Decter. Being named Midge, btw, suggests why she chose her career, in compensation.
It also shows that she’s an annoying miniscule insect.
If you can carefully plagiarize from Tom Wolfe’s Charlotte Simmons novel, you deserve the first prize.
Good point Bean (and Raznor). I’ve changed the parentheses to commas, which I think will read better.
Hmm, I think I might have a problem on the part of the application where it says “Where did you find out about this scholarship?”
Just say “I saw it on the internet.” :-P
I’m guessing you get an extra five points if you use the word “contracepting”, a word that I believe is popular among the nutcases because they cannot comprehend the construction of an adjectival phrase.
Without denying the general assholery of the IWF, it is true that the left side of the political spectrum can be stiffling … and, quite often, viscious …in its zest for intellectual conformity to say nothing of its fondness for stereotypical thinking.
Just because you enjoy attacking a group of people for their faults doesn’t mean that your side doesn’t have a lot of the same ones. Be very careful.
The reason I bring this up is because it was the left’s previous close-mindedness, AKA political correctness and such past hits as the patriachal satanic conspiracy false memory hysteria, that did so much to make the left legitimately obnoxious and, as a result, help put Republicans in power. The far left was instrumental in helping out the likes of Rush Limbaugh in the credibility department with its vast stupid excesses. Limbaugh thankfully now appears to be returning the favor. The post at the top of the page is satirical and, to a degree, accurate, but is so snide and self rightous that, in my opinion, it completely kills the fun … and I would have liked to enjoyed it. Now that the pendulum is swinging back in our favor I’d like to see us hold on to it for a good long while. A little genuine humor wouldn’t hurt. You can still be cutting, you know. Like Jesus’ General or the Rude Pundit.
Here’s hoping your predictions turn out to be correct.
So I’ve been dared as a female writer for the Dartmouth Free Press to bullshit this essay contest to get $5000 from IWF (Independent women’s forum)…I said sure, heck, I have nothing else to do with my time, and i sure as hell need the money— and I’m a great bullshitter…but can I really do this without vomiting all over myself? I dont know. I thought I was a person of low self respect and probably zer0 integrity, but this whole idea is making me wonder whether I really do believe in my dangerous radical femininst ideals. and it turns out i really do. but it might be fun trying to lie. i guess i could just write from the perspective of all the spineless brainwashed women who piss me off. it’s really quite sad, actually. or am i being too narrowminded?
(from the IWF website):
Our Mission
The Independent Women’s Forum was established to combat the women-as-victim, pro-big-government ideology of radical feminism. We seek to restore, strengthen, and extend that which promotes women’s well being by advancing the principles of self-reliance, political freedom, economic liberty, and personal responsibility.
(“personal responsibility” a.k.a pro-“life”)
Our Vision
IWF is the essential, informed, articulate voice of thoughtful and caring mainstream women in the policy and media battles that shape our nation’s future. While showing that we have both a head and heart, we promote voluntary, cooperative approaches to life’s challenges that can brighten the future.
(what exactly is the “mainstream” woman?– oh, and they’re right about one thing, I definitely don’t have a heart.)
What does IWF do?
IWF provides a voice for responsible, mainstream women who embrace common sense over divisive ideology. We make that voice heard in the U.S. Supreme Court, among other decision makers in Washington, and across America’s airwaves as we:
-Counter the dangerous influence of radical feminism in the courts
-Combat corrosive feminist ideology on campus
-Change the terms of the debate on quality of life issues affecting American women
-Through programs, such as our legal, campus, and work/family projects, the IWF will continue to:
-Educate women on the benefits of the free market and the danger of big government
-Challenge conventional feminist myths with accurate information and lively debate
-Provide a forum for women who are not represented by radical feminist groups
(Gee- i never thought we were that dangerous or corrosive- that’s kind of exciting- but a mythmaker? I don’t think so)
Ooh! I’m eligible! I’m so there.
I really hope that the above is supposed to be satire, but I’m not quite sure. Did I nap through the left-wing extremist takeover of the entire country, just prior to the ascendency of St. Limbaugh ? Too many Mai Tais, perhaps ?…
“The reason I bring this up is because it was the left’s previous close-mindedness, AKA political correctness”
Y’know, statements such as the above usually send up red flags for me. Mainly because most of the people I hear complaining about the Evils of Political Correctness are those from groups with large amounts of privilege who are upset that they can no longer openly proclaim their “superiority” over obviously lesser beings.
Like white middle-class males whinging about how they can no longer make jokes about women/gays/Blacks without fear of censure.
Or white people of either sex who are outraged that they are criticised for “just telling the truth” about how shiftless/less civilised/less socially advanced/whatever all those Other groups of people are.
Nope. People who complain about PC standards are, in my experience, usually not to be trusted.
The only thing I have against PC standards is they are a form of censorship, and I cannot support censorship.
I agree that you shouldn’t be using racial, ethnic, and sexist slurs, but I’m not one to say that you can’t. Unless you’re at work, school, or government buildings, where the other people cannot leave and don’t have a choice of whether or not to go there, you are free to say whatever you want. If you want to stand on a street corner and start going off on the most un-PC things you can think of, well, you’ll look like a crazy homeless person, but you are totally allowed to do that. But, some black guy is free to stand right next to you and repeatedly and scream “CRACKER” at the top of his lungs repeatedly.
So, yeah, that’s the only thing I have against PC…I don’t like censorship, and I don’t think saying an unpopular (and, quite frankly, untrue) sentiment should be restrict. It might eventually be our sentiment that people try to censor.
In what way is “PC” censorship, Antigone?
Maybe we’re using different definitions, but I don’t think it’s censorship any more than it’s censorship to point out to someone exactly why their “argument” is full of shit. Unless there’s legislation I haven’t heard about to enforce PC standards, calling someone out for not being PC is no different from calling them out for being rude or tactless.
My objection is purely to the term PC – the defenders-of-privilege have done such a thorough job of debasing its meaning that it’s next to impossible to use it in a serious discussion.
Gee, I thought it was because Bush stole the election…..
Well, there are a lot of “unPC” terms that one can get fined for saying on National televison, and i think that’s wrong.
My daughter won this contest and beleive it or not she did’nt use one of your four rules. Instead she wrote from her heart. She is a truly independent woman.
How dare you comment on something you know nothing about!
…so what DID she say?
Tony –
First of all, congratulations on your daughter’s success! You’re obviously very proud of her, and that’s great. I’m sure she’s a terrific writer, to win a contest like that. I’m looking forward to her winning essay being available online at some point (or maybe it is already and I just can’t find it).
Second, the post was intended to be a parody of the IWF, not a serious prediction of what would be in the winning essay. I think it would have been funny if the winning essay had been close to my “predictions,” but I’m not at all surprised that it wasn’t. Sorry you misunderstood that, but I think most of my readers understood that the post’s intent was humorous.
Dude, I’m a blogger.
So why didn’t she tell us this herself.
That seems like an odd comment, Daran. Why should she be expected to comment here? Probably she’s never even seen this blog. And how does her father reacting to a (perceived) slight against her make her less independent? I very much doubt that she asked her Dad to post, after all.
Of course, looked at broadly, the fact that she has relationships in the world (a proud father, in this case) does put the lie to the idea that anyone is literally “independent.” But I don’t think even libertarians use the word “independent” in that strict a sense.
It was intended to be tongue-in-cheek.
Oh, I get it now. Sorry! :#)
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