You have taken me for granted for far too long. You’ve assumed that, because I’m a liberal leftist, there’s no way I’m going to vote for a Republican, and, by default, you can count on my vote. Well, guess what? I’m asking for a trial separation, and quite frankly, if you don’t get your shit together now, I’m going to be filing for divorce.
You’ve made the mistake of thinking that because there’s no one new in my life that I’m not going to leave. You forget that sometimes, people leave marriages even if they don’t have a brighter prospect on the horizon. Sometimes, they leave a marriage in order to save their own lives, souls, mental health. Consider me one of those people.[…]
All I ever seem to get from you is empty promises. That, and asking me if I have a few bucks in my wallet to cover you until payday. I give you the money and you go out and buy yourself clothes, shoes, and a car that make you look just like the other guy. If I wanted to be married to the other guy, well, shit, I’da married him. But I married you. You, who wooed me with your commitment to human rights, the dignity of all persons, and a burning desire for justice that set my heart on fire. Now, all I ever hear from you is, “Not tonight, honey. If we do it now, it’ll make us look like obstructionists. Or, the neighbors down the street might disapprove.” What happened to my brave spouse?
(Link via Media Girl).
I admire this letter, really I do. I want to be able to leave this relationship. I want not to be taken for granted.
But I’ve gone to bed with that cool rebel in his shapeless black suit and his snarling passion and his engorged movement. God he was good. He batted his eyes and then took me places I’ve never been before – like seeing a presidential candidate make a speech in which he full-on supported my issues (gay marriage and all!). It made me tingle, I swear, down to my toes; I had never been so fulfilled by a politician before. I swooned, I panted, I screamed until my throat was horse, I surged with enthusiasm.
And I began to think: Shouldn’t I be able to feel tingly like this all the time? Why haven’t Democrats ever made me feel that good?
I volunteered with a rebel Democrat, “Red Bev,” with her seductive socialist background and her come-hither “change from within” looks. She was running for Governor, and her policy stands were built like a brick shithouse, I’m tellin’ ya. We’d meet at her campaign office, and I grew so attached that I even met her in out-of-town hotels – it was like a whole campaign! And all along, she was telling me: this is working, we’re gonna win, keep at it, work harder, Amp, harder!
She lost. Lost, lost, lost. She was never even close – and she knew it all the time, she was just stringing me along. And the cool dude in the shapeless suit who said he was starting a movement? I never heard from him again until four years later, when he came panting around, still sounding the same, wanting to act as if I could forget all about what had happened four years earlier. The long-term movement I thought I was in love with had its way with me and then disappeared like it had never existed at all.
Say what you will about mainstream Democrats, at least they don’t break my heart.
Then Kerry came around, with his puffy hair and athletic build, and I knew he was playing me. “I’m electable,” he crooned into my ear; “do you want to be a sell-out winner or a purist loser?” He slid his hand down gently below my waistline, towards my warm spread wallet. I stared at the ceiling and thought of funding for the UN Population Fund.
Of course, that smooth talker had lied to me. Turns out the choice was between being pure and losing, and being a sell-out and still losing.
Anyhow, maybe I should be celibate for a while, too.
Thank you for that. This is the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been reading a blog post. :P
Maybe you should just save it until you’re married.
You know, I am on the othger side. Bush was too much of a liberal for me, so I voted for Michael Peroutka of the Constitution Party. Seeing Bush in action, I think I made the right decision.
The problem with American democracy is that you’re still using the beta version. Time to upgrade!
Love the analogy and your continuation of it.
There was one part you led me to then lost me a little. When you said of our dashing rebel in the shapeless suit, “I never heard from him again until four years later, when he came panting around, still sounding the same, wanting to act as if I could forget all about what had happened four years earlier.”, what came to mind for me was how I (and presumably you) felt four years eariler- “surged with enthusiasm.”
Our cool rebel didn’t win the day, but he won my heart over to active citizenship and I became an engaged, informed participant in democracy for the first time. Before I donated some money, attended the occasional benefit and wrote a letter here and there, but since then I’ve not let go of the passion and the promise of a better future I know I’ll have to personally work for if it’s to come about. The lesson I learned is that no President is going to save us, we have to save ourselves.
Does it have to be a lifetime commitment, or can it be enough for people to sincerely come together for a time and share something inspirational before moving on? I wouldn’t want to get back together with any of my former lovers, but I carry the remembrances of loving and the lessons learned with me and feel no ill will towards them.
Samantha,
I believe that the problem w/ dashing rebel in shapeless suit is that he either lied or didn’t follow through on his most important promise. That is, after fiasco2K, he did nothing for building a 3rd party. But perhaps I’m mistaken.
Dude, the rebel’s answering service tried to call you a whole bunch of times. Unfortunately, his phone got “mysteriously” disconnected and it took awhile before they had enough dough to get it hooked up again. Honestly, if you’d been seriously curious about continuing the relationship, would it have been so tough to google his name or check out Yahoo News or– something ?
Well, that’s what he told me. I sort of believe it. :/
Wow, is that well done. Congrats.
But what’s the moral? Pursue what you want: If you value feeling tingly, pursue that. If you value winning, pursue that.
But if all you want is to avoid feeling used, you’re being used. You can choose celibacy, but then you’re just being used by people who want you to make that choice. I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that people spend megabucks to persuade us to make precisely that choice.
The only way to avoid being used is to Take Responsibility For Yourself. Stop blaming your dissatisfaction on your partners; decide what you want, go for it, and be content with the consequences of your choice.
Why did everyone think that Kerry was so damn electable, anyway? Did they really think a Senator who has one of the most liberal voting records in the Union would attract a majority of votes? I’ve seen fence posts that showed more personality and leadership. What was wrong with Dean?
You know, I go on the right-wing blogs and they just excoriated Dean for that one time he was haranguing the troops. And the mainstream media just played the clip over and over again until he looked like a lunatic.
I don’t think the press has a left-wing bias. I don’t think it has a right-wing bias. I think they have a bias towards entertainment value over actual substance; towards shock and emotion over thought and rationality. And shame on us for finding that more entertaining, and for making that the most profitable way to run a news organization.
Grow up! To use a cliche, which like most cliches, is true: politics is the art of the possible. We have to share this country with idiot bible thumpers easily manipulated by cynical corporate henchmen in the GOP. Our two party system means that much political compromise and debate is done at a different level than so-called multi-party systems, which really are two party systems once the compromises and alliances are made or else they become splintered free for alls where nothing gets done. So your political party doesn’t spend enough of its time and resources on issues near and dear to your heart? Welcome to reality, baby. That’s what political lobbies are for. If you want the only force against GOP evil to have any chance at all, support the dems.
PS. John Kerry ROCKS.
This post makes me want to cry. Scratch that, I’m actually crying (but I think I’ll blame it on the effect of Jill Sobule – “Don’t Let Us Get Sick” playing in the background). Maybe it was this part:
“I stared at the ceiling and thought of funding for the UN Population Fund.”
Or maybe it was the months this spring I spent working for the rebel Democrat who was running for mayor of Pittsburgh, just to watch him lose lose lose to the party-machine candidate guaranteed to drive my city further into the dust.
Or maybe it was the 12 hours between the time I saw the headline stating that Barbara Hafer was considering a run against Rick Santorum and when I got the email from Emily’s List saying that Hafer and the DNC didn’t want a contested primary and she was bowing out in favor of Bob Casey, Jr., the very embodiment of the Democratic experiment in selling out choice to try to win elections.
Or maybe it was deciding two years ago that I just knew Bush was going to be re-elected, and there was no sense getting my hopes up… And yet finding myself on election day knocking on doors in the pouring rain and coming home to read exit polls and being sure that we had won.
I think I’m broken.
Elena, please tell me that was a joke.
I dunno which part made me laugh harder, Barry’s post or Robert’s response. I admit though, on Robert’s response, I spit some diet pepsi out onto the moniter.
I’d like to know what precisely the heck Robert means by the “married” analogy. How does it fit into the elections/parties/candidates deal that we’re using the relationship analogy for? And what would “saving it for marriage” involve? Not voting until one makes a lifelong promise to vote for only one party, no matter what they do in the future?
And MY burst-out-laughing moment (without the expelling of carbonated beverage toward the screen, thank-you-very-much, it’s five weeks old and cost me three hundred dollars) was the line “You’ve assumed that, because I’m a liberal leftist, there’s no way I’m going to vote for a Republican, and, by default, you can count on my vote.” Because I’m a liberal leftist, there’s almost as close to no way I’m going to vote for a Democrat. My vote goes to liberal leftists, not to Imitation Right.
As for not seeing much of the rebel in the shapeless black suit (by which I assume you mean Ralph Nader), you do realize, don’t you, that he doesn’t exactly have access to the publicity that, say, Bush or Kerry does. There are no journalists following him around, and traveling from place to place takes money. Putting the relationship analogy back into play, one can’t expect lots of emails, daily phone calls, and frequent visits from a long-distance boyfriend who is poor and has no computer, no car, and too little cash to spend on big phone bills. In any case, he does not have mainstream support and therefore if you look to the mainstream to find him you’re looking in the wrong place–he writes at CounterPunch every so often, and has a website and blog that he runs with a few other people, that sort of thing. Not to mention the large number of books that pop up if you type his name into the Barnes and Noble search engine. (Not about him, mostly, but written by him.)
The only thing that would make this worse is if you had told me that I had to swallow.
As for not seeing much of the rebel in the shapeless black suit (by which I assume you mean Ralph Nader), you do realize, don’t you, that he doesn’t exactly have access to the publicity that, say, Bush or Kerry does.
Ask your local Green Party how much contact they had from Nader or his organization between December 2000 & June of 2004. As someone who was pretty involved w/ a local Green Party that had been very involved w/ Nader during the 2000 campaign I know that the answer is pretty close to zero. It’s not a matter of publicity, it’s that he didn’t work to build a party. And that would have been fine if he hadn’t claimed to be running, in large part, to build a 3rd party.
I am a huge Ralph Nader fan and his failure to follow up on his promises in 2000 in no way diminishes the enormous good that he has accomplished in his career… but I’m not getting near the guy when we’re discussing electoral politics.
So what was the Democracy Rising tour in 2001, Jake– Chopped liver ? Were all those Greens that shared the podium with Nader aliens in rubber masks, and I just couldn’t tell from where I was seated ?
Look, I don’t want to get sucked down into blame-o-rama, but I could just as easily argue that I scarcely heard anything from Oregon Greens in the years between 2000-2004. Contrary to Elena’s vacuous sneering, however, I feel very much like a grown up, and one thing grown ups ought to do is acknowledge that we all fuck up. They didn’t do much to seek me out, and I could have done more to seek them out. The higher up you go on the food chain, the more giant egos of all political stripes come into play. I have no doubt Nader’s ego was one of the things that made his alliance with the Greens –some of them, anyway– so short-lived. OTOH, I don’t know what we’d do without big egos, because people like you and me, the ones who have good will and some smarts but little ego, either can’t get the time of day from big egos of other stripes, or else the bruising nature of political combat is too painful for us to endure for more than short spans of time. I would love to have a backbone like a steel rod, sometimes, though I concur that there are times that it does more harm than good.
I would very much love to see the Oregon Greens be more visible, and I would very much like to find one member of the Greens who could do something other than duck and weave when I asked what the point was of the 2004 strategy, and will they pleaaaaaaaaase opt for something else next time out. However, I’m not optimistic. If you believe some of the folks who backed Nader over Cobb last time, there’s a strong pull in the party toward it jumping into bed with the PDA and essentially going the New Party or Rainbow Coalition route. For the love of NOTA, I don’t want anything to do with that kind of pointless bullshit and if that’s where we’re headed, fuck it. I’ll be an Independant and give my all my scant dollars to the damn cat shelter before I’ll get on board for that kind of crap. >:
Oh, and Thanks for your comments, too Kyra. I owe you one. I had little trouble finding out what Nader was up to between 2000 and 2004 and I spend way the hell less time on the Net than Amp does, I’ll wager.
radfem, I wonder what would happen if we took Amp’s metaphor to the next level and tried to merge it with that should-be-legendary post of flea’s: The one about the guys who want to fuck you “sensitively! with weepy hugs and feelings…” etc etc. Ehhh, but we probably shouldn’t. The Ellen Goodmanesque overtones of his original post are already dangerously bordering on cute, and I don’t do cute. Much, anyway. :p
alsis,
You’ve got some good points in there, but it’s not exactly what I was trying to refer to. As far as the local GP (Portland, not Oregon) was concerned, yeah Democracy Rising was chopped liver. When Nader came to the Convention Center in 2000, the Portland GP put a huge amount of resources (time, volunteers and money) into getting it set up and having it actually run pretty smoothly. The Nader organization did as little as they could get away with for the PDX GP. They did very little for local candidates and they took nearly all the money that came in – leaving the PDX & Oregon GP’s short when it came time to pay. Big ego on Ralph? Who cares? Need to micromanage everything? That’s annoying, but dealable. Taking all the money & leaving the local party to foot the bill? That’s pretty bad. Democracy Rising didn’t pump any dollars or knowledge of structure into the local GP. So, yeah, in that sense it was chopped liver for the PDX GP.
The PDX GP actually spent a good amount of energy on learning how to run a campaign & how to find & train good potential candidates. We ran a shoestring budget City Council campaign against Saltzman & actually did moderately well considering our lack of experience and money. However, the lack of solid state party infrastructure and state party support discouraged many folks from continuing on.
That said, the Oregon GP leadership has shown itself to be full of people who are afraid to piss off the democrats – as if merely existing doesn’t already do that. Look at the actions w/ Bradbury’s camp during his Senate campaign – they blew a golden opportunity to have a voice. And you’re right about what is happening to the GP, over all. It has proven that it doesn’t want to be an independent 3rd party. I’m not sure what the hell it thinks it wants to be , but whatever that is certainly does not match its advertising.
PS: Maybe I’m mistaken, but I never got the feeling that Democracy Rising was about party building. That didn’t seem to be their agenda then & it doesn’t seem to be now. Have I missed something that is right there in front of me?
This essay is interesting: http://www.greens.org/s-r/29/29-00.html
Substitute “any 3rd party” for greens and it is equally true as a blueprint for a successful 3rd party, IMO. (And he feels like Nader really helped the local party where he lives)
But enough from me & my misguided opinions.
I never said that you were misguided, m’love, and I’m sorry for getting my dates mixed up. I just want somebody whose had more irons in the fire than myself to give me some idea about what the hell to do next. Because short of printing up a batch of T-Shirts that say “I’m Pro-Cat and I Vote (Independent)” I’m just plain out of ideas.
I remember the City Council race. And I liked the Green who ran against Wyden, even though I never quite got why the whole campaign was so last-minute. More than that, though, I wondering about basic stuff: Will there be an organized Green presence at any of the local actions tomorrow ? There’s another pro-healthcare measure coming down the plank soon. Will they be doing any public stumping for it, since healthcare is part of their platform ? The PGP’s main page seems mute on both subjects.
It depresses me that no matter where you start out as in activist in this region, you always end up working for people who want to make a career out of kissing the DP’s ass. :(
For me, voting for just about any candidate involves some holding of the nose, but there are some things that are just intolerable. A big part of my “anybody but Bush” sentiment came from the conviction that no one who supports the idea of pre-emptive war should be a head of state. And what did the Democrats give me? A supposed super-liberal who voted for the Iraq War resolution! I can be pragmatic about some things, but I felt like the Green Party (not Nader, Dave Cobb) was my only choice in the last election. If Dean had been the Democratic candidate, I probably would have voted for him.
I’m not a member of any party though. Quite the opposite of my personal life, I remain promiscuously single.
I’ll buy that the Green Party maybe can be viable at a local level. But if you vote green or some leftist wingnut party in an election where there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell of your party winning, then you have made a symbolic and useless vote. Politics is about consensus and compromise, it’s not about being true to your beliefs- that’s for lobbying. If you live in a swing state and vote for the Green Party in a national election, you have helped to put the GOP in office and the devastation to the enviroment and almost 1,800 lives lost in Iraq should be enough evidence of your folly.
Oh, fuck you, too, Elena. Go clean your own house and the enablers in it, then come back and point fingers at my camp’s “wingnuts,” as opposed to the ones that your camp is sucking face with at least ten times a day.
“Leftist wingnut?”
Hmmm, I think I made the right choice to check out of the Demopublican party if they’re labeling those who are dissenters within, or without with terminology most often associated with right-wing conservatives.
LAmom, I hear you on that one…Some things like the insane war on Iraq, you just can’t hold your nose on, or excuse your elected leaders for engaging in. Ditto Patriot Act’s 1, 2 and whatever offspring follows.
Well, radfem, I don’t think Elena actually has a problem with America piling up tons of bodies, as long as the proper team piles ’em up with the proper amount of decorum:
http://www.ornery.org/essays/2001-01-26-1.html
What, are you impeaching the character of Bill Clinton?? You traitor, you.
BTW, I would have been perfectly willing to see Clinton impeached, if it were possible for what his policy was “in between” wars with Iraq, rather than over his well, willie and where it went. So I didn’t think his impeachment was unjust, just the reasons why. Over half a million children dying isn’t worth as much as a president’s blow jobs. But then what would get higher TV ratings? Nonwhite children dying(either here or thousands of miles yonder), or sex and lies with a young intern? Gah.
But then watching the Demos line up lockstep behind him, would have been far more painful to watch for that scenerio of impeachment than it was for the sex scandal.
:D Actually, I’m torn between the Pro-Cat T-Shirt and one inspired by a Naderite on Portland indymedia who’s such a grouch he makes me sound like the Disney version of Mary Poppins:
Nader 2008. See You In Hell
From the link Jake provided (Thanks, Jake: )
So, Elena, a belated thanks for stepping up to the plate. :p
An event to share a space with Amp’s letter,
I came home one night exhausted from the latest fight with the company… we had to cut our losses or our jobs would be lost as they were going to be outsourced overseas. 30% had to go. There would be no more healthcare for family members and our pay would be cut by 15%. We would not get paid for jury duty, (I never failed to show up as I believe in the system I am trying to change, even though I never get picked, I am anti-death penalty and amongst other things, believe the Johns should be locked up, demand side economics…) I had seen small changes at home recently, but wasn’t prepared for the events that followed.
I noticed that a strange car was on the street in front of my home, but familiar, Benz, V8 Coup. I heard Jazz, from my door and a whiff of smoke as I entered. Their muffled voices did not quiet, as a glass hit the table and rolled to a stop. I walked into the bedroom and my boss with lipstick on the mouth down the neck and smeared on swollen breasts gazed up as my soul mate rose from somewhere down there. I do not know what was scarier the surreal scene I was watching, or that I was the only one surprised and embarrassed. They shared a cigarette and reclined further and asked me how I could not have known? In fact, if It had not happened by now, it was sure to have occurred anyway as it was of my fate, the path I had chosen guaranteed that I would be betrayed, they said it together almost alternating words, “you set it up this way… isn’t this the fate you wanted? Didn’t you crave the suffering for your cause? Well this is for you then, it was not only your fate, but your will.”
Staggering back, I remembered the hours in that very place, candles lit massaging and caressing… never thinking of my needs, content in giving. Reading aloud, Camus and cummings, going to see Cornel West just last week, didn’t we feel the same together? Hadn’t we marched and froze and spent hours together and apart in jails for the cause?
My love told me not to be childish… things did not have to change for us; it’s just that I had stopped growing and well, “you know, I only did it to please you, I was just a kid when we met, I had needs too you know!” Just a kid… and now in my bed with my foe; and not even the least bit ashamed of it. Dazed I could not believe that just a few hours ago we were face to face over the board room table, and now I was starring at overfed and almost infantile nakedness… at that moment, I could see the attraction, I felt a stirring pulling from deep inside of me too.
Suddenly I snatched the last one of 6 poppers sitting on the nightstand and ran out of the room, crushing it and dragging deeply as I stumbled and crashed down the stairs, I started walking and walking like a machine. I stumbled into a bar aching for a familiar face, every one looked my way and I turned to leave, I knew this was a mistake. But before I could leave a hand reached out and grasped mine. I turned and it was a familliar face, that looked and dressed just like the one I had sat across the table from hours earlier, this was the enemy, yet I drew close and felt firm lips on my … the scent of Scotch, smoke, and sourness made me recoil; but I yielded none the less as I was deftly guided to a corner where we would not be seen. I was at that moment so incredibly lonely and hurt it no longer mattered what “Principle” meant. It didn’t seem to matter what side or that there was any side anyway, I just wanted to be held and know I was still wanted by someone, anyone.
I wish I could tell you friends all that happened the rest of the night. When asked if I wanted a ride home, I said OK but declined when I saw it was a Benz, V8 Coup. I walked slowly home feeling so very, very small and broken.
At home, the car was gone, I sighed in relief . I climbed the stairs and slipped into the bathroom starring at the mirror, I started to wash the lipstick smudges off of my face, my neck and my chest and… peering through the steam I wondered what life would bring with the rising sun; who had I become? Stopping briefly at the door, I saw my loves curved body resting in a gentle “C” breathing deeply, as if life had never been better. I slid gently in close and wrapped my arms around my love and said, “You know, I still love you more than myself.” I heard a swallow and then a shallow whisper, “I know.” The night’s cold slowly left my tense body and I drifted off and started dreaming of the next fight, this time I won. Blessings.