This cartoon was drawn by frequent collaborator Nadine Scholtes, who unlike most cartoonists (and by “most cartoonists” I mean “me”) is not afraid of drawing horses.
This week, I read a newspaper report about sex workers at massage parlors. The article was sympathetic to the sex workers, but aside from a couple of sentences didn’t quote them at all. Which is understandable, since they weren’t accessible or willing to talk extensively to a reporter. But the article also didn’t quote any ex-massage workers, or any advocates for sex workers.
In contrast, cops were quoted extensively.
Also this week, I read an article by anti-social-justice writer Freddie deBoer:
Those who are most intimately and personally connected to a given issue are often the very least well-equipped to engage effectively on that issue because they have too much baggage regarding that issue, are too close to the issue to think clearly about it.
DeBoer’s philosophy strongly implies that trans people are the “least well-equipped” to engage on trans issues, Black people the “least well equipped” on Black issues, and so on. But I doubt there will ever be a subject which Freddy deBoer, who is a straight cis white male, thinks straight white males are the “least well equipped” to think about.
I wrote this cartoon before I read either of those articles. Reporting like that, and attitudes like deBoer’s, are too common in modern journalism. Corporate spokespeople are quoted, but workers and union reps aren’t. Cops cracking down on homeless people are quoted, but homeless people are not. Israeli representatives are quoted, but Palestinians are not. Diet industry people are quoted, but fat people – and especially fat acceptance activists – are not. The list goes on and on.
I thought about how modern “objective” journalism would handle Paul Revere, and the strip pretty much wrote itself. (Well, it wrote itself, but after it was finished I had to spend a bunch of time editing it to fit in four tiny panels. Stupid lazy ideas not editing themselves.)
Once I thought of the horse grinning for the selfie, I knew I had to ask Nadine to draw this one, and fortunately she was available. Nadine added lots of great details that my script hadn’t asked for, like the guy in the window in panel one, or the church in the distance in panel one, or Garfield and Odie in panel two. Working with collaborators who add things is so much fun.
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has four panels. All four panels show a Massachusetts street in 1775.
PANEL 1
This panel shows Paul Revere riding a galloping horse down a street, yelling “The British Are Coming!” (Revere yells this, not the horse). He’s riding hard, and mice are scattering to avoid being run over.
REVERE: The British are coming!
PANEL 2
Revere, sweating from his hard ride, has dismounted and come to a halt, and is talking to a JOURNALIST. The journalist is dressed in a period suit and leaning against the side of a building, but he also has a piece of paper saying “press” sticking out of his hat. He’s looking at his smart phone.
REVERE: A journalist? Perfect! The British army is coming by way of the Charles River!
JOURNALIST: I can’t report that. You’re a revolutionary. What you say isn’t objective.
PANEL 3
The journalist has put his arm around Revere’s shoulders and is grinning as he holds out his phone to take a selfie. Revere looks very annoyed, arms crossed, face facing the camera but eyes glaring at the journalist.
REVERE: But what I’m saying is TRUTH! The British are attacking!
JOURNALIST: You’re in the group they’re attacking. That makes you too biased to quote.
PANEL 4
Revere raises his hands in a frustrated gesture. The journalist, smiling, points at Revere.
REVERE: No one even knows about this but us and them! Will you not report this at all?
JOURNALIST: No, I’ll report whatever the British say. People in power are never biased.
CHICKEN FAT WATCH
“Chicken fat” is a ye olden days cartoonists’ expression for little details in a cartoon that don’t matter but might be amusing.
PANEL 1: A man in a nightshirt is leaning out of a background window waving to Revere.
There are mice scattering from the road to avoid being trampled. The mice are Izzy (from The Simpsons), the Brain (from Animaniacs, Minnie Mouse, and Jerry (from Tom and Jerry).
PANEL 2: The journalist is scrolling on a smart phone.
Garfield and Odie, from the Garfield comic strip, are in the background – Garfield is sitting on a fence reading a newspaper (Ye Olden Times Background Times”) and Odie is peeking out through a window.
The back page of the newspaper has a huge headline saying “Ben Franklin and Beyonce Sex Scandal,” and smaller text (so distorted by the angle that it’s basically impossible to read) says: “Even ignoring chronology problems, she is just way out of his league,” says puzzled historian.”
The front page of the newspaper has three stories. The first headline says “Hamilton Not Yet Famous,” and the story says: “Just you wait until Broadway exists,” says unknown nerd. The second headline says “New Tea Party In N Jersey,” and the story says “nobody notices or cares.” The third headline says “Political Cartoons Relevant & Popular,” and the story says: “And that’s something that will never change,” say confident cartoonists.
PANEL 3
The journalist is taking a selfie, and the horse, grinning, is positioning herself to be included in the selfie.
PANEL 4
The horse is holding the journalist’s hat in her mouth.
In the background, two sleek cats can be seen in a window; one of them is licking the window with apparent enjoyment.
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