Kellymac at “A Woman Against Feminism,” in a post entitled “Ladies, Wonder Why You Can’t Get Men To Talk To You?,” says “This is what we throw away when we embrace feminism and trample on our men.” She’s referring to an essay by “Voodoojack.” Here’s some of what Voodoojack has to say:
I don’t speak to you because I’ve tried before. I’ve tried to develop interests in the things that interest you. No matter how insipid, trivial, or dull I find the stories of your friends I’ve never met, of people I do not know, of things on TV that have no interest in watching, I try to make the effort to learn about these things. […]
I don’t speak to you anymore because you’re no different than anyone else. You’re not unique anymore. There’s nothing special about you. The colors may vary, but you dress the same as everyone else. The names and faces of the other bit-actors and actresses in the central drama that is your life may be different, but the plots the same. You’re no different than a low-budget porno movie.
Gosh, why would a great catch like Voodoojack have any problem attracting scads and scads of women? It can’t be anything about his personality making women run for the hills, because as the above-quoted sample shows, the man is simply
overflowing with charm.
This is a devastating blow to women everywhere. Admit it, ladies: you made a mistake when you traded in the chance to date great guys like Voodoojack in exchange for feminism. If only you had known! What has feminism ever given you, compared to the unmitigated joy dating a swell charmer like Voodoojack would bring?
Oh, Voodoojack… (gulp)! Please accept my apology gift of the world’s teensiest violin!
First comment! Sporfle! You give good snark.
I’m rather amused by “I’ve tried to develop interests in the things that interest you. No matter how insipid, trivial, or dull…” in the same paragraph as “what interests you is a part of who you are, and if you are going to matter to me, I’d like to see what you like.” He seems to be forgetting his premises within sentences of each other. Oh dear. I think I can see where he’s coming from: “Help me. I’ve internalized so many mixed messages that I have no idea what I actually want, except that the objective statement definitely ends with sex, and you’re supposed to tag each base on the way to the home run, right?”
Also, is taking for granted that if the story is about someone else, it can’t possibly be about him too. Nope. Not room for more than one character. Romantic relationships are either one monologue or another. Me against you. One voice is another’s silence. Harmony, huh, what’s that? I’ve seen racists and anti-racists and sexists and anti-sexists all make *that* particular mistake, though (and have made it myself a couple of times at least, dammit) so I can only attribute that pernicious error to general lack of clue.
Ok, I’m afraid I’m with Voodoojack on this one, but it’s rather bizarre to me that he’s being quoted in support of anti-feminism. He’s speaking to narcissistic females who are paradoxically attaching their self-image to some group identification, but, come to think of it, I’ve met plenty of gay males with that same issue.
I very much “get” what he says in the last paragraph:
I’ve known several people like this, and I’ve done the same thing. At the point where you know what they will say to the point that the responses become automatic ritual grunts and have learned that automatic ritual grunts are all they seek, it’s time to move on.
But this isn’t an aspect of feminism. It’s a personality disorder, viewed by someone superficially like me who does not perceive or desire to perceive the emotional communication that empty words can apparently carry.
However, as women go, I find feminists generally more interesting, because they do NOT tend to take their cues from group approval and consensus, actually think about stuff, and are able to accept the idea that the person who cooks breakfast is the one who woke up hungry.
BTW, my wife thinks I’m a great catch – but for the same reason I think she’s a great catch. She can’t put up with such nonsense any better than I can.
Admit it, Amp, you are simply jealous of the greatness that is VoodooJack.
Further support for my theory that anyone who addresses women as “Ladies” is about to talk a great deal of nonsense.
My comment at Kellymac’s which doesn’t appear to be appearing, can’t possibly guess why:
Strange. That never, ever happens to me, and I talk to women all the time. Still, I guess it must definitely be feminism’s fault, and not something wrong with Voodoojack.
In fact, I’m really at a loss to figure out what in Voodoojack’s post can be blamed on feminism. Women dressing the same? Women watching TV? Hell, women occasionally talking about themselves at the expense of others? Help me see feminism’s responsibility…
The only complaint VJ seems to legitimately have against feminism is that it has led women to “create a drama of life in which she’s the lead actress” which, to my mind, is pretty much the way we all live our lives, men and women.
What Voodoojack – and, I’m betting – Kellymac – wants is that half the population agree to be simply bit players in men’s lives and be happy about it. I don’t really get the attraction – and neither, you’ll notice, does Voodoojack, at least not in his life.
Oh, a Nice Guy (TM) won’t bother me in public any more? Oh, um, er please don’t throw me in the Briar Patch.
OMFG, that entire blog is a gem. A sad, pathetic gem.
“Hell, women occasionally talking about themselves at the expense of others? ”
This one. Thiiiiiiiiss oooooooonnnnnne!
‘Cause we wimmins are s’posed to serve. It’s the only thing what makes our lives interestin’. We’s not interestin’ ourselves, oh, no.
And the patriarchal apoloigist chick has this social-skills-lacking narcissist’s BACK on this one. That’s the part that makes me want to froth at the mouth just a little. Divide and Conquer for $500, Alex?
Deep people, really deep…….
Wow. That was sadly hilarious. I mean this
.
Really? All the women he knows are just running around having sex in cheesy hotel rooms with bad lighting? I guess it’s marginally more creative than “You fucking slut bitches won’t fuck me. How dare you have sex with other men?”
What a lovely bunch we have here .
adapting just that part of my comment on FCB relevent to this thread:
Dianne:
No, I don’t. “Nubile” is not a word I’d use, but I don’t think it’s fair to infer any more from it than my use of “lovely”. It means no more than that he finds these women sexually attractive.
Is he bad for finding women sexually attractive?
Nor does he blame feminism for his problems – that’s KellyMac’s take on it. He seems to blame the women who rejected him.
That I suggest is a reaction to the rejection, not the cause of it. Moreover he seems to have taken the standard ‘advice’ for dealing with this problem and it hasn’t worked. So he’s feeling anger and frustration which he’s directing at the women. I think that’s very understandable, if misconceived, just as I think feminist’s and women’s negative reaction to this is understandable, but misconceived. A man who
(my emphasis) may indeed be a small loss to women, but if so, Let’s stop lying to men like him that this is the route to a woman’s heart.
I said his blaming women was misconcieved, and it it. The problem with him being unable to engage with the opposite sex lies with him, just as it lies with me, and lay with Hugh and your younger self. But if he follows the advice given and it doesn’t work, then that’s a problem is with the advice.
It’s not the patient’s fault if the medicine doesn’t work.
Dianne replies.
No, he didn’t take the standard advice for finding a romantic partner. The standard advice is to cultivate a wide variety of interests, and then to look for someone you find sexually attractive who shares those interests. Voodoojack looked for people he found sexually attractive, and then pretended to be interested in the same things they were, even though he found those things ‘insipid, trivial and dull’ (the part of Voodoojack’s quote that you didn’t put in italics is the very part that explains his lack of romantic success).
If you use a bottle of cough medicine to give yourself an enema, its lack of efficacy can be laid at your door.
Wow, Amba. That was quite a good comment. Of course, Daran will dispute everything you’ve said until the end of the world, but, still…
Two things I find very puzzling about voodoojack’s comment:
1. In the original context, it seems designed to “wake women up” and make them understand what they’re doing wrong. In other words, voodoojack hopes that this comment will make him more attractive to women. Who is attracted to someone who tells them that they are dull, insipid, and similar to a low budget porno movie?
2. Why would voodoojack or anyone else want a relationship with someone they find dull, insipid, and similar to a low budget porno movie?
It’s not the patient’s fault if the medicine doesn’t work.
Two possible responses to finding that a medicine isn’t working:
1. Decide that all medicine is a bunch of crap, doesn’t ever work, and is all just a ploy for pharma companies to make more money.
2. Decide that that medicine doesn’t work for that person in that context and try a different one.
If you use a bottle of cough medicine to give yourself an enema, its lack of efficacy can be laid at your door.
It’s worse than that, really. VDJ is using narcotics to treat constipation induced abdominal pain and wondering why the pain is getting worse. Pretending to be interested only works as a temporary bridge in situations where a real mutual interest might develop. Using it in situations where mutual interests are unlikely to develop is only making the problem worse by preventing both people involved from moving on to someone they may find genuinely fun to be around.