Roles at the Fake Wedding!

Here are roles available to be played at the fake wedding I and some friends are planning. You can also make up your own role, of course. Remember, it’s this coming Tuesday!

You can email me or leave a comment here to request a role. If you prefer for us to assign you a role, that’s fine; let us know that. But either way, let us know if you’ll be attending, and how many you’ll have with you.

(If a role is already filled, the person playing the role is listed in bold).

WEDDING PARTY

The Very Pregnant Bride: “Margo” (Jenn) Goal: Get married before giving birth.

Groom: “Michael” (Dylan)

Wedding Planner (Barry)

Minister (Jake)

Maid of Honor. Bride’s best friend from high school. Goal: Upstage Margo to avenge stolen boyfriend in high school.

Bridesmaid: The Bride’s best friend from college who is a big shot movie producer now. Goal: interview guests to see if they will be the next big star. Secondary goal: impress everyone with all the big name stars they’vve worked with.

Best Man (Charles). Goal: Keep anyone from figuring out that he’s a time-traveler from the future.

Groomsman & Bride’s brother (Brad). Goal:Impress as many women as possible with his job as Assistant Manager of the Beaverton Olive Garden

Competitive Sibling (can be either bridesmaid or groomsman). Goal: To find her or his
One True Soulmate and propose marriage. TONIGHT.

Ring Bearer

Flower Girls (Sydney and Maddox) Goal: flowers are pretty.

PARENTS

Step-Mother of the Bride (who is convinced that the baby is Michael’s and wants the marriage to happen no matter what. Goal: to get her daughter good and hitched.)

Father of the Bride (Matt) (Goal: Out-macho the groom’s father)

Mother of the Bride / The Doctor. (Emily. Companion: Eppy.) Goal: Tour the quaint customs of 21st century Earth.

Mother of the Groom (Goal: Find a new boy toy.)

Father of the Groom (Kip – “Hemingway manqué”)

Groom’s disturbingly young blonde stepmother “Maureen.” (Rachel) Goes by “Mint! ‘Cause I’m so fresh!” Goal: to be “one of the girls.” Gear: lipstick, speed, and a concealed handgun or taser.

GUESTS

Groom’s “roommate” Troy (Katie)

Bride’s very critical spinster Aunt (Bean)

Scientist with white lab coat. Goal: To be asked questions about Science! Must also be ready to do genetic testing on the spot.

Toastmasters relative. Goal: find some way, any way, to give a speech

Writer from The Oregonian’s not-very-well-known society column. (Dan). Goal: find a story so compelling s/he won’t get downsized

Wedding crasher. Goal: tell as many divergent stories of how they know the bride/groom as possible without getting caught; sell ’89 Honda Civic.

Wedding photographer (Rook). Goal: prove to the photography establishment that wedding photos can have artistic merit.
(Note: There’s no limit on how many competing photographers/videographers we can have!)

Friend of the groom who is in charge of controlling the CD player during the wedding processional. His/her goal: Not to completely screw up the music. Secondary goal: Find a reason that it wasn’t his fault that he screwed up the music.

Michael’s Only Ex-Girlfriend, From 6th Grade. Goal: find a Real Man.

Aunt/Uncle/Cousin who wants to be a photographer. Goal: To be mistaken for the real photographer, and sabotage them whenever possible.

Blackmailer who knows that the groom isn’t the real father of the bride’s forthcoming baby. Goal: Isn’t it kind of obvious? This role could also be a bridesmaid or groomsman.

Uncle of the bride who is in the mafia. Has a bodyguard/thug with him. Looking to watch out for her best interests. Goal: to let the groom and everyone know that the bride is under his protection. Secondary goal: make deals with ninjas, etc while at the wedding.

Dog Breeder friend. Goal: Sell as many greyhounds as possible. (Can also be a groomsman, if you’re willing.)

Bride’s sorority sisters (as many as 3). Goal: Make up for lack of bachelorette party. (Can also be bridesmaids, if you’re willing.)

Doctor in the house – goal: to be recognized for their brilliance as a Doc. Gear: happens to have a genetic tester kit.

Cousin of the Bride: huge crush on the best man. goal: take as many pictures of him as possible, whenever possible.

Uncle of the Bride: thinks the Groom isn’t good enough for his Margo. goal: to get the groom sloshed so he’ll show his true colors.

Aspiring wedding planner. Goal: To suck up to Barry and steal his secrets. And his job, if possible.

The groom or brides Civil War Veteran Grandfather (or someone re-enacting the role of the grandfather)

Infatuated former high school teacher. Goal: rekindle the passion.

Grade School Friend. Goal: To embarrass the bride/groom as much as possible with humiliating stories.

Assassin, or possibly ninja: after the child who is prophesied to be savior of the world.

Stranger who stumbled in, thinking this was their childhood friend’s funeral. Goal: find a shoulder to cry on

Cousin who is an Amway sales person: sell, sell, sell

Person who used to be a mermaid, but gave up her voice to a witch in exchange for being able to walk on land. Goal: To find someone who can undo the witch’s spell and return him/her to the sea.

Person who thinks s/he is a spy. Goal: To find out information — any information — and take copious notes. (Prop required: small
lined notepad.)

Various possible fathers of the child – goal: to be The One. subgoal: convince Margo to come back to him. (Note: This role can be combined with almost any other role.)