The Conspiracy to Steal Our Precious Carbonated Fluids

John Hinderaker may not have been dropped on his head as a child. When they were handing out brains, it’s possible that he didn’t hear “trains” and didn’t say, “No thank you.” It’s entirely within the realm of possibility that when compared to a box of hammers, his IQ is in fact superior.

But it’s kind of unlikely.

Tonight, The Blogger Formerly Known as Hindrocket has come up with a conspiracy — a conspiracy linking the nation’s second-largest soft drink manufacturer and Black Muslim Radical Christian Arab Socialist Communist Stalinist Atheist Scary Black Man Barack Obama. Fear the Pepsi Generation!

Advertising Age reports that Pepsi-Cola is launching a new logo as part of a world-wide branding campaign.[…] Here’s the new Pepsi logo:

So…does that remind you of anything?

Um…the old Pepsi logo, only crappier?

ZOMG!!!111!!!!1!12!@! Pepsi’s in league with the devil Barack Obama!

Could be an aesthetic coincidence, I suppose.

No!

But for those of us old enough to remember the ill-fated Age of Aquarius, it looks like a pathetic attempt to join the Age of Barack.

But it gets worse. It turns out that Barack Hussein Super-Allah Obama totally used his time machine to go back in time and force Pepsi to adopt this logo years ago:

Damn you, Obama! Is there no length you won’t go to in stealing our precious American soft-drink heritage?

At any rate, John Hinderaker closes by proving, once and for all, that he’s wrong about everything:

Diet Coke tastes better anyway. Drink it.

Diet Coke tastes like evil. Coke Zero? Fine. Original Coke? Great. Vault? The shiznit. But Diet Coke is what pop will taste like in Hell.

John Hinderaker: He even thinks Diet Coke is potable. Maybe he is a few bricks short of a load after all.