Girlamatic.com is looking for proposals for new comics.
Frankly, I’d love to be on Girlamatic; aside from anything else, I really need a regular deadline to force me to get work done.
So I’ve put together a brief proposal for Hereville, a comic book idea Ive been toying with for a while. I haven’t sent the URL to the editor yet; I’ll probably do that today or tomorrow, as soon as I complete a sample page.
In the meanwhile, I’d welcome any constructive criticism “Alas” readers would like to offer on the proposal-so-far..
I like the proposal. I’m curious to know how you plan to execute it. Well, in terms of mood. Is it light, dark, what? It may just be me & the time of day, but I see real potential in it as a dark and creepy thing. But I can also see it being a happy fun thing.
I love the duotone color. You do that really well.
Play up something–the relationship with her stepmother, which I quite like as sketched out; the addelpatedness of her father; the Northern Exposuresquery/Palomarishness of Aherville itself–and I’d probably go with that last, since I’m still buzzing off Dylan Horrocks’ essay, and since I’ve always muttered about how fantasy and SF are fictions of setting, and since a portrait/map of the town would be lovely if a lot of work–anyway, point being, find the stuff that doesn’t immediately say “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and pump it up. So: portrait/map of the town, maybe; a few more villagers sketched out; a side-plot or two added to the upcoming stories list that deals more with the town, or, granted, the family, which you’ve got in there quite a bit, so maybe I’m overreacting, but you’re sort of dealing more with family as crew or posse than family as, y’know, family; I mean, the Scooby gang was family in a sense, so maybe I’m not, and I’ll shut up now. (Yes, I know you’re submitting Real Soon Now. Still.)
The structure of the proposal itself is nice and clean and uncluttered.
I can’t wait to see the sample page(s).
You should refer to yourself in the first person throughout, rather than eliding into third person a couple of times (“Barry’s political comic”). –Also, “Manley” has an “e” in it.
Did I mention how much I love the duotone? I do.
Fruma: she’s not quite there. Especially for a proposal–the grotesquerie (which I love, but) is getting a little in the way. And Zindel’s a bit of a cypher, which seems silly to say about such a brief sketch in such a proposal, but he is. Still: the cartooning is gorgeous, and did I mention that the brick red on manila yellow is lovely lovely lovely? –Oh, I did.
But: lookin’ good. Wood knocked, fingers crossed.
the only quibble I would have is that Mirka seems much less developed as a drawing than her parents — she and here brother almost appear like generic kids. that can be ok (if you’re going for a kind of I-can-identify-with-her effect) but it can also make it harder for you to grow her into a character that we feel strongly about, rather than a mere archetype that things happen to. it might be enough just to work with letting her eyes be more than dots, so that they can have a wider range of expressions and reactions. not sure, but it was a strong first response. if we saw Mirka in a group of kids, would we be sure which one was she? if she changed her hairstyle, would we? surely her many adventures will require a range of action and look, and we need more than a muppet to hang all that on…
my two cents.
best of luck,
a
Just finish an entire damn chapter. Or ten. That’s all I ask, bubbelah. :p
I liked it. The first plot was interesting, but I agree with whoever asked about tone. There isn’t much hint of the tone of the comic in the proposal, I think that might need to be emphasized a bit more. Also, it seemed to me that the nature of Aherville was glossed over a bit in the proposal, a kind of “oh, and by the way, its magical.” To me, in the proposal, it felt tacked on rather than integral.
The art was good and pretty distinctive for each character.
It looks really cool. I’d love to read the drafts you come up with.
I like the charecters, and the fact that they all have flaws and are human.
Why does Mirka want to kill dragons? Are they evil? Or is this a theme you’ll explore in the comic book?
I’ll echo what everyone else said about the mood–let us know if it will be lighthearted, bleak, etc. Is this going to be something geared for kids or adults?
I found the argument with the troll wonderfully funny, and ironic (considering how some of them argue on message boards).
I love the drawing of Reb Herschel Herschberg. Love it, I say.
Buffy meets Isaac Bashevis Singer. I like it. On preview, whoever said you should play up the Singer and tone down the Buffy is exactly right.
Thank you everyone for your comments!
Jake and Kevin – The tone will vary from story to story. The early stories will be generally lighthearted, but as the main character grows older there will be some darker plotlines. I’ve added a paragraph explaining this to the intro, in case the editor has the same question.
Kip, unfortunately I don’t have time to incorporate most of your suggestions (I’ve got weddings to run today and tomorrow, and on Saturday I’m going to Florida for a week). But I’ve worked more on the Fruma and Zindel descriptions, adding a sentence or two that will hopefully flesh them out a bit more. Also, I’ve added an additional “town-based” plotline to the list of future plotlines. Oh, and I made the prose corrections you suggested.
I’m glad you like the brick-and-yellow artwork; I’m pretty happy with how it’s looking.
ACM, I think part of what you’re talking about is just because I happened to do close-up character drawings of the two adults and full-body character drawings of the two children. Mirka and Zindel will have eyeballs when they’re drawn in closeup, too.
The “muppet” look is, frankly, pretty integrel to my cartooning style; I can’t change that. I’ll just have to hope that the script and art will combine to make Mirka seem like an individual.
Kevin, you’re right, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to correct it. I’m trying to think if there’s any way I can explain Aherville in the time constraints I’m facing. I don’t think I can skip mentioning that it’s a magical town, since without that it’s a little bizarre to have witches and trolls hanging around.
Amy, I’ll do my best.
“I love the drawing of Reb Herschel Herschberg. Love it, I say.”
Looks like Barry Deutsch to me. Well, an older Ampersand anyway.
This looks really interesting to me both visually and conceptually.
Fruma frightens me, though.
On preview, whoever said you should play up the Singer and tone down the Buffy is exactly right.
Well, I rephrased one sentence (which in the original said something like “born to fight dragons”) to try and get away from a false impression of being fated to fight evil, like Buffy.
Beyond that, I’m really not sure how to de-emphasize the Buffyness. Any suggestions?
I have to admit, I’m REALLY tempted to steal the “Buffy meets Isaac Bashevis Singer” line, except then the Buffy thing would REALLY be set in cement. (Honestly, I didn’t even THINK of the similarity to Buffy until reading the comments here!)
What do you think of “Stinz meets Buffy meets Isaac Bashevis Singer” as a sum-up line? (The early Stinz stories are much more my model than Buffy is).
* * *
Why does Mirka want to kill dragons? Are they evil? Or is this a theme you’ll explore in the comic book?
Killing dragons is a childhood dream of hers, and at that age dragons are just Bad Guys and hence okay to kill. When, at around age 17, she finally gets a chance to fight a real dragon, she’ll discover that what’s “evil” isn’t quite so simple.
I’ll echo what everyone else said about the mood–let us know if it will be lighthearted, bleak, etc. Is this going to be something geared for kids or adults?
Please let me know if the paragraph I added to the introduction solves this problem for you.
* * *
Thanks, Raznor. :-)
Again, thanks to everyone for comments (and if you have any more to add, don’t hesitate!).
I liked it. Very unique. I particularly like the stepmother (though I do wonder how a troll would get into knitting) character.
I don’t know anything about comic proposals, but would a sample strip or two be appropriate to put in one? Maybe that would help with the drawings/tone questions.
Hey, this is fly. I agree, though, that Fruma is a little harsh-looking. Perhaps you could soften the angles of her eyebrows and jaw a little.
I thought of Buffy, too, but then…I love Buffy.
A couple suggestions:
I realise I may not have written this last point very well, so I’ll do an example of how you could tighten the story up. Perhaps the troll challenges Mirka to a knitting competition, rather than to a fight, not out of some flight of whimsy but because it’s a well-known fact that the longer a person’s nose is, the better he or she is at knitting. The troll sees that his/her nose is longer than Mirka’s and also sees that she’s somewhat spoiling for a fight so the troll thinks in its little troll mind that it would be better to trick her than to fight her. This would tie the noses, the knitting, and the troll’s behaviour together.
Does what I was saying make more sense now?
All in all it looks like a great idea for a comic. I’d certainly be interested in reading it. (Perhaps you should mention that, as a prominent blogger, you’d be able to bring an audience with you. You’re not an entirely unknown element among the internet crowd.)
Best of luck to you, sir. I’m sure you’ll keep us posted as to how things work out.
One more thought:
This is anexcellent proposal. I’m really excited about the Jewish elements, how those will be reconciled with the magical bits and whatnot. But then, I’m Jewish and a parent and so I hunger for some good Jewish fantasy fiction that is appropriate for several age groups. You may also consider pitching this to some print publishers as well. What with the end of Bone coming soon and Leave it to Chance sort of mia, there might be a space to fill opening up in comics. But really, for this I’d consider subscribing to a ModernTales site, which up until now I haven’t felt compelled to do… so for what it’s worth it worked on me.
“you’re right, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to correct it. I’m trying to think if there’s any way I can explain Aherville in the time constraints I’m facing. I don’t think I can skip mentioning that it’s a magical town, since without that it’s a little bizarre to have witches and trolls hanging around.”
Not sure thats the case, Barry. I think that Magical Realism is mainstream enough for you to get away with having magical or metaphysical creatures and events in a modern town. In fact, now that I have thought about this a bit, unless their is something important about the town being mgical in and of itself, I think youmight be better off without it. In other words, if the reason the twon is maginal is to have trolls and whitches and waht not, then don’t bother. Just have a town where trolls and witches and whatnots happen to live. If, however, the magianl nature of the town has some other signifigant effect (frex: the magical nature of the town makes everyone longer lived), then its worth mentioning.
Hey, Barry.
I’d be delighted to see you carry this through. It looks promising.
If you can inhabit every character from the inside, find their beauty, desperately want what they want, and find ways in which those desires conflict, then the stories will write themselves.
The designs will evolve as you try each in different expressions and postures. Don’t worry about keeping them “on model” at this stage, try a lot of different visual effects in search of their key features.
Amy Unbounded by Rachel Hartman might be worth a look if you’d like to see someone planting in similar ground.
The Duotone Sepia is perfect.
Good luck. It would be wonderful having you a little closer to home, genre-wise. :-)
Best,
–Scott
My advice is:
SUBMIT IT TO LEA ASAP.
It ten times as professional as any proposal I’ve seen yet submitted; it’s clearly well-suited to the site; you’ve got nothing to lose. Get it in before Lea’s eyes start to glaze over with submissions.
Thanks, Dylan. :-)
I actually sent the URL to Lea hours ago – I just wanted to have a sample page completed first.
Thanks as well to Scott. (Both Dylan and Scott are great cartoonists – Scott in particular is a huge influence on me, not to mention on North American comics in general – so check out their websites, if you haven’t already.)
Aren’t we do for an update?
Once a week is long enough to wait. . .