Michele Bachmann: Less Kooky than the Birthers

When I first saw the tweet-blogging that Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Bizarre, had made a procedural move to block a House Resolution congratulating Hawai’i on 50 years of statehood — a resolution that specifically noted that Barack Obama was born there — I was surprised. Don’t get me wrong, Our Michele is capable of staking out some rather unusual positions, like her undying opposition to the census. But so far, she’s been mum on the whole Conspiracy to Install a Black Muslim as Our President and Steal Our Nation’s Precious Bodily Fluids. And that led me to believe that Bachmann was, in fact, not a birther. After all, if she was, one would think she wouldn’t be able to keep that fact to herself.

Adding to my confusion was the fact that the procedural move Bachmann made was both perfectly normal and absolutely in the best interests of the Democrats. At the time, the Hawai’i resolution was about to be passed through on a voice vote. That would have been in the best interests of those Republicans who want to play footsie with the birthers without coming right out and embracing them. “Well, you see,” they could say, “it was rammed through in the dark of night by the Democrat majority. We didn’t even take a recorded vote — where I might have voted no, or not, depending on who I’m talking to and how goofy they are.” Bachmann’s move — suggesting the absence of a quorum — didn’t kill the resolution. It just delayed action until a quorum was present, when a roll call vote would be taken, and Republicans would actually have to go on record agreeing or disagreeing with a resolution that stated explicitly, “the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, was born in Hawaii.”

Well, the roll call vote was taken, and Our Michele voted aye — congratulating Hawai’i and implicitly agreeing that Barack Obama was not born in Kenya. Indeed, 378 Representatives voted in favor of the resolution, and none voted against it. And of the 55 not voting, only 16 were Republicans. Indeed, even House GOPers who have played wink-wink-nudge-nudge with the birthers, like Rep. Bill Posey, R-Fla., voted to support the resolution.

One would think this would lay to rest, once and for all, the bizarre notion that five decades ago, a massive conspiracy was carried out to make it look like Barack Obama was actually born in America instead of hatched from an alien pod, so that some day he could run for president (the proof is in the name he was given — Barack Hussein Obama. A name as American as baba ghanoush) and then govern as a center-left, mainstream Democrat. But of course, one would think the fact that we all actually saw airplanes fly into the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, would have convinced everyone that those towers were actually destroyed by, you know, airplanes. Or the fact that Tim McVeigh confessed would have convinced people that the Clinton Administration did not actually blow up the Murrah Federal Building. But conspiracies have a tendency only to strengthen in the face of facts. And so while the House unanimously rejected the birther theories today, don’t expect that to stop Lou Dobbs from talking about it tomorrow. That’s just proof that the Republicans are in on it, too. Or that they really don’t want Biden as president.

As for Michele Bachmann, yes, she’s wacky. She’s advocated a HUAC for a new millennium, suggested we have a secret agreement with Iran to partition Iraq, and she fears census-takers will sap her precious bodily fluids. But she’s not a birther. I mean, even Michele has standards.