As you’ve probably heard, the folks who brought you Conservapedia are currently hard at work on the Conservative Bible, because that Jesus guy was a crazy dope-smoking hippie who had all these goofy ideas about healing the sick and helping the poor and turning the other cheek and crap like that. Now, I haven’t read it yet, but I’m really looking forward to this scene:
Yes, that’s “One Nation Under God,” a new painting by artist Jon McNaughton, and it’s one of those great moments in conservative kitsch, like Rifle Jesus, that just warms the cockles of your heart.
Now, the servers on the guy’s site are currently melted, what with the HuffPo and Wonkette links, but I’m hoping he gets them back up soon, because for the full effect, you really have to see the mouseover information explaining the symbolism of the picture (because, as all artists know, the best way to make your symbolism apparent to the viewer is to tell them exactly what your symbolism is supposed to mean).
Yes, there’s the “liberal woman reporter!” And the “Mother!” With her “handicapped child!” (Said child does not appear to be in any way disabled, which mayhaps is why McNaughton felt the need to identify him thus. Then again, we’re all probably glad he didn’t try to depict a disabled child “sensitively.”) There’s the Supreme Court Justice weeping over Roe v. Wade, and the Evolution-Teachin’ Professor, and Mister Hollywood, all hanging out by Satan Himself. Okay, after the Polanski stuff, I guess I’ll give McNaughton Mister Hollywood, but still, that’s a mite over-the-top. And my favorite of the onlookers, the “Typical Immigrant,” who is depicted as possibly Asian-American, and who is shocked that Jesus is actually the founder of our country! I guess that’s because he read those silly citizen’s guides with their noting the founding fathers favored church-state separation.
And of course, in the pantheon with Jesus are swell folks like Aryan Youth! (That’s my term for the kid, not his.) And Black Soldier Whose Name is King So I Don’t Have to Paint Martin Luther King, Jr.! And way, waaaaaay off in the distance, it’s Frederick Douglass and Harriet Tubman and Sequoyah! And also Susan B. Anthony! So there!
But of course, front and center in the picture is Jesus, seen here writing the Constitution which includes provisions for freedom of religion. Silly Jesus! Always with the jokes, that guy! Still, I’m glad someone is finally giving us a look at the real story of the American Revolution, which is not the story of a bunch of rich white guys finding ways to make America somewhat more classically liberal than it was under British rule, but the story of Jesus. Oh, and also, Glenn Beck’s favorite book. That too.
UPDATE: This is some weapons-grade snark right here.
I’m guessing that “underestimated” does not mean what McNaughton thinks it means.
Interesting point: the Godly side of the picture is on the left of the canvas–do we have a sudden failure of symbolism here? I’d like to hear McNaughton’s thoughts on this.
Also: why is Abraham Lincoln doing an Al Jolson impersonation?
I would have thought this was a joke until I went and saw it.
Wow.
Here’s a google-cached version that preserves the mouseovers; if your internet is like mine, the original one won’t load at all, and this one will load eventually.
Why does Jesus have the White Tree of Gondor on his shirt? Seriously, it looks just like the one Aragorn was wearing in LOTR. Do they have the same costumer or what?
You know, the traditional, from-the-Latin KJV would satisfy a lot of the project’s goals, except for the pesky matter of Luke 17:34…
“I tell you, in that night there shall be two men in one bed; the one shall be [saved], and the other shall be left.”
50% of gay people go to heaven! It’s biblical!
I thought for a moment Mr SCJ was Putin going “Of for the fuck of shit”.
And doesn’t Mr Asian-Immigrant look like really scared titless Glorious Leader?
I am deeply unimpressed by the backgrounding of prominent black history makers, not to mention the fact that he couldn’t take five minutes to look up how to spell “Douglass” correctly.
On a less serious note, Benjamin Franklin looks like the oddly off-putting guy that used to work for the apartment complex I live in. Creepy and vaguely lascivious.
…And why do most of the characters have full, pompous explanations, but the female businessperson and the “handicapped child” do not? I demand explanations!
Interesting point: the Godly side of the picture is on the left of the canvas–do we have a sudden failure of symbolism here?
Because it’s Jesus’ right hand side.
They forgot to show a gay couple splitting up because they suddenly realize how attractive women are. Also, I’m suspicious of Jesus’ outfit. Red and gold are the colors of China, Vietnam and Spain, not ‘MERCA! Give him a blue robe, for Chrissake.
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Ya know, I’m fairly conservative. I don’t take the liberal or conservative stance really. Pointless in my opinion. Individual beliefs and feelings are too complex to be put into simply two social/political catagories.
The real point here is that this image is flawed in so many ways.
1- It puts a label on people that is unfair. Example, “Lawyer”. True that many lawyers are money-grubbing deceivers, but what about those that aren’t?
Also, it’s saying that by being pregnant out of wedlock or being a teen mother makes you unworthy in the sight of God. Is no one taking repentance into account anymore? Conveniently forget the sacrifice on the Cross, did we?
2- There are people being venerated in here that are no better than the people being demonized. Granted, no one’s perfect, but that’s part of my point.
Example- Thomas Jefferson was an adulterous slave owner who may as well have had multiple families.
3- People are not divided into any group except saved and unsaved. These labels totally undermine this. It’s Biblical, read it.
I’m fairly inclined to agree with the liberals on this one. This could only be the work of “Conservatards”.