I dropped a poem into one of Jeff Fecke’s recent threads. Barry said I should promote it to a post of its own, so here it is. Given the contents, consider this an open thread. ;)
Ode to a derailed thread
by Rachel Swirsky
Topic, oh topic, where have you gone?
Out the front door, across the front lawn…
Topic, oh topic, I miss you so.
Over land, over sea, over sand, over snow…
Topic, oh topic, I know we ignored you.
But topic, oh topic, I swear we adored you.
Far past the sun and the moon and the stars
Toward the black holes, nebulae and quasars…
Topic, oh topic, our future seems black.
Topic, oh topic, please won’t you come back?
Where the vacuum is cold and there’s nothing around.
Nothing, no nothing. I’ll never be found.
My topic lies over the ocean,
My topic lies over the sea,
My topic lies back about 12 comments,
Oh mod back the topic for me!
Mod back, mod back, oh mod back the topic for me (for me!)
Mod back, mod back, oh mod back the topic for me!
Speaking of which, wouldn’t this be a good time to discuss whether sexism hurts men more than women or vice versa, the humanity of embryos, and the virtues of libertarianism?
Yes, it would! Also, I think we should debate whether there’s evidence proving the existence of God and whether or not porn is inherently evil.
T is for the million ways I say it,
O means for each thread you’ll find ONE there.
P is for the poor way you convey it,
I think I’m gonna pull out all my hair!
C is for the crap I read in comments,
And that’s the final letter in the word.
Put them all together, they spell TOPIC,
A term, apparently, no one’s ever heard….
Oh give me a thread
Well researched and well read
To provoke lots of thought and dismay
Posting views from all ’round
Both profane and profound
Where the posts never wander or stray
Ohhhh, on-topic thread
Where the posts are both witty and gay
Where seldom is heard
A mean-spirited word
And the posts never wander or stray
Very unforgiving of the topic. Can’t we coax it back with chocolate?
Get back on the topic or we’ll shoot this dog.
Stop wasting my time
You know what I want
You know what I need
Or maybe you don’t
Do I have to come right flat out and tell you everything?
Gimme back my topic!
Gimme back my topic!
(With apologies to Spinal Tap)
O TOPIC! my Topic! our thread has run amok;
‘Mid barbs about abortion rights and taxes. WTF?
The initial post still stands atop, apparently unread
Its words uncomprehended, its import all but dead.
And O comments! comments! comments!
O the blaring words, all CAPS
Gath’ring below the topic post:
The discussion is for crap.
Because I could not stand your song –
I blithely change the key –
After all, no one’s reading except Ourselves –
Yakking Inheritably.
Yesterday, in the blogosphere,
My topic seemed to disappear.
It wasn’t there again today
Lost in blather about “teh Gay….”
I have hijacked
the thread
that was on
your blog and which
you were probably
hoping
to discuss. Forgive me, but
my clever retort needed expression
so sweet
and so cold
Hm. You did say open thread, so:
Here’s a quote from Michael Moore on Larry King’s show last night:
I keep looking over my shoulder. I’m on the 6th floor here near a window. A mature pig weighs hundreds of pounds and if one of them flies into the window I could get hurt.
To whether has thou gone
Oh thread of threads so fine
Past destiny intended
Into other shaded pastures
Couldst thou return?
This is one reason why threaded comments are nice; side discussions automatically get separated from other responses.
“I have hijacked
the thread
that was on
your blog and which
you were probably
hoping
to discuss. Forgive me, but
my clever retort needed expression
so sweet
and so cold”
WIN.
You’re very kind! And William Carlos Williams is very parody-able.
.
.
so much depends
upon
a well-read
commentor
gazing with open
eyes
beyond his white
privilege.
Yes, I actually just sold a science fictional pastiche on that poem!
So I looked up “threadjack” in the Urban Dictionary. Their definition requires that the action be deliberate. OTOH, they also have “threadfuck”, “thread shitting”, “Threadcromancy”, “thread bombing” and numerous others. Very entertaining!
The poem uses “black” as a negative descriptor. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot, how “dark”, “black”, etc. double in usage as both negative words and as adjectives for skin color.
I have been avoiding using them as negative, suffice it to say. It is starting to feel like “gay” as a negative, when there are actually people who are gay and I don’t want to reinforce the negative meaning.
There once was a thread with a topic
What suffered from comments myopic;
It required the mod
To play “Voice Of God”
When patience wore down microscopic.
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I’m arguing feminism with a bunch of so-called rationals over at Richard Dawkins Forum. I don’t know how much clearer I can be on why the male gaze is destructive in the ‘Why is feminism still important. Please help‘ thread. Are any of you forum members? I would love some backup. Oh, my username is ‘veniqe’ on that forum.
A London-based orgnisation called Eaves is collecting gifts for women who have escaped from being forced into the sex trade. The address to which to send the gifts is here.
Still blogging about the trial of a former officer charged with sexual assault under the color of authority involving three different women. It’s on hold again with more parties including both attorneys sick with the flu.
The officer testified and denied having any sexual contact with two women and said he had oral sex with the third to fulfill her sexual fantasy of “doing a cop”.
When being a “bad apple” is your best defense appears to be the legal strategy of the defense.
A link to the article I read forever ago and StumbleUpon-ed today: Brent Staples Walk on By
I’ve not read a better piece about what it’s like on the other side – to be a man walking alone at night mistaken for a threat.
Ooooh nice twist on Dollhouse.
Hmm. Received an interesting email from a former police officer thanking me for covering the trial in my blog. He was one of the officers fired 10 years for firing Tyisha Miller. Life can be strange.
Another local blogger’s take on why gays and lesbians shouldn’t be allowed to be leaders.