NYO Fail, Part the Second: In Which I Discuss Slut-Shaming

So when we left off, I was talking about the fact that this god-awful article from the New York Observer started out talking about slut-shaming by giving an example of date rape. Now, I’m all in favor of shaming rapists, and if the article had been about calling out rapey behavior among women, I’d be happy to join in, although I’d probably point out that we shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that female-on-male sexual assault occurs about one percent as often as male-on-female sexual assault, and indeed significantly less than male-on-male assault. Noting that a woman raping a man is a bad thing is not the same thing as saying men rape women, women rape men, and it’s all pretty balanced. It isn’t.

But Spencer Morgan’s article isn’t about attacking women for assaulting men. It’s about attacking women for having libidos — which is something very different. You see, the “cheetahs” that Morgan identify aren’t looking for a quick one-night stand. Oh, no. They’re looking to seduce men into long-term relationships by getting them into bed for a night. Or something. Really, the article is pretty incoherent. About the only thing that comes through loud and clear is that some women like pursuing men, and that’s bad.

Morgan jumps from Seth’s story to talk about women as species of cats, because that meme evidently hasn’t burned itself out yet. You may know about cougars — 40-something and older women who like sex — but cheetahs are their younger nieces, you see. They’re 25-somethings who like sex. This distinguishes them from pumas, who are 30-somethings who like to have sex with 20-something guys. (One might get the idea from this that women like sex. Hmmm. Nope, must be some feline metaphor I’m missing.)

At any rate, women like sex and actually sometimes seek out men to have one-night stands with. In the real world, this is called “dating,” and unlike the date-rapey behavior of Dana, it’s considered pretty normal. Or predatory:

I thought the same on a recent night here in New York, when my wife showed me a “funny” text one of her girlfriends sent her inquiring what she was up to—we were in a car, heading home—and sniggering that she herself was “out on the prowl.” I immediately thought of the widely held view that single women are keen to get their paws on a hunk of man to hunker down with for the winter months. I looked out the car window—it was raining. A cold, insinuating rain. The conditions were perfect for a cheetah to a strike.

Yes, strike with her vagina. Just like a cheetah, who, as we all know, is native to the New York area, and likes to strike in freezing rain.

Now, you might get the idea from this text that Morgan’s wife’s friend is a woman looking to hook up with a guy. On the contrary. She’s had her heart broken and stomped on, and is finding that love stinks, yeah yeah. At least, that’s what a cougar named Angela says:

She noted that her friend K.C. was a cheetah. Recently out of a relationship, K.C. has discovered that getting a man was no longer as easy as it once was. “It seems like whenever she can, she winds up going home with the drunkest guy in the bar,” said Angela. “Of course, in the back of her mind she’s hoping that her pussy’s still good enough to keep him.”

Because, you know, a woman never would look for a one-night stand. She has to get into a relationship. Any relationship. Especially with guys who have drinking problems:

A cock loiterer is typically a girl who has recently come out of a relationship that she’s been in for a long time, and she suddenly realizes that getting laid is not as easy as it once was,” [Deadspin writer A.J.] Daulerio explained. He noted that the cheetah hunts alone, and prefers gatherings where she can blend into the crowd until the quarry grow weak and sloppy. “You know, she’s the type who’ll come out to the sports bar for Sunday football and then, whereas most people will leave after the 12 o’clock game ends, she’ll stick around for the 4 o’clock game,” he said.

He added that the cheetah was not necessarily unattractive but that for some reason or another, she was not aware of her attractiveness. That said, the cheetah he had in mind was notorious for looking dreadful without her makeup on and, as with Dana, working her way through his friend group.

First off, once more, we have a nod and a wink to rapey behavior. But more to the point, we also have a direct shot at women. You see, the real failing of cheetahs is not that they like sex, or that they initiate it, but that they aren’t that hot anymore. Not hot enough, anyhow, to date hot guys.

And that’s what lies at the black, beating heart of this article: a huge lump of Schadenfreude. “Cheetahs” are too old to be having casual sex. At least with cute young guys. Serves ’em right, I guess, for having once been hot enough to. Or not — the article isn’t clear. At any rate, they should settle down, get married, aim for a less attractive man. And they’re never going to find it through sex.

“Women in New York tend to be at a huge disadvantage,” said John Carney, of Businessinsider.com and another cheetah victim, via Gchat. “Many moved here from elsewhere, severing the kind of social bonds that ordinarily would provide introductions to potential mates. The cheetah is an ill-conceived attempt to overcome this situation.” He added later: “It is tragic. They should put a warning in cabs, like they used to about seat belts and remembering to collect your belongings: ‘This random hook-up will not likely lead to a relationship. Please exit the cab with all your dignity.’”

The troubling thing about the cheetah is that it’s a lose-lose for both predator and prey. Both her Auntie Cougar and Cousin Puma have a certain dignity. They’re out there shakin’ it up, slaying dudes and taking names. Not so the cheetah, who hopes that her victim will find something in her searching eyes when he rolls over the next morning, and will try to subtly guilt him into another round next time they meet: “Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you in so long.”

You see, there’s no chance that she just wanted a night of sex. Women hate sex. They like relationships — even though these cheetahs seem to be “working their way through” every friend group in the world — which doesn’t sound like a woman looking for monogamy, now that I think about it.

At any rate, what would an article like this be without a paragraph that makes you want to bash your head against the wall?

Angela would like to do the cheetahs of the world a favor: “Heed my warning: You’re never going to get a boyfriend or a husband this way. Men like to chase. The only man you’ll ever get to stick around by being a cheetah is going to be a total pussy.”

And there we go: misogyny, misandry, misanthropy — whatever you want to call it, that reductive belief that human beings are incapable of making individual decisions, that men and women are of two separate, unrelated species that behave in easily-categorized ways, and that All Men behave in one way, and All Women behave in another.

Do some men like to chase? Yes. I’m not one of them. Chasing sucks. I’d rather be chased, myself, but alas, that doesn’t so much happen because women are always told that they’re supposed to sit back and be pursued.

The truth is that some men like to pursue, some like to be pursued. Some women like to pursue, some like to be pursued. And nobody likes to be taken advantage of. This is not rocket science. But it is too difficult for the New York Observer to grasp.