How Not To Be A Doofus When Accused Of Racism (A Guide For White People)

[Note: In 2005, this piece was originally entitled “How Not To Be Insane When Accused of Racism”. I changed the title in 2011. The wording of the quote from Prometheus 6, however, isn’t mine and so I haven’t changed it. Also, the URL contains the original wording, and I don’t want to nuke all the links to this post by changing the URL. :-( My sincere apologies to disabled people who object to the wording. –Amp, 2011]

Prometheus 6 wrote something that has stuck in my head ever since:

Not to put too fine a point on it, but “racist” is the only word that makes white people as crazy as “nigger” makes Black people.

It’s true – a lot of white people, hell, most white people turn ten different shades of pissed off and shoot steam out their ears if someone suggests they’ve said something racist. And if you make a point of talking about race and racism, sooner or later someone will accuse you of being racist, fairly or unfairly.

Frankly, I think we whites – especially, we whites who think of ourselves as against racism – have to get over it. So here it is, in honor of “blog against racism day” (okay, it’s now the morning after blog against racism day, so I’m slow):

Amp’s Guide to Not Being a Doofus When Accused of Racism.

1) Breathe. Stay calm. Stay civil. Don’t burn bridges. If someone has just said “I think that sounds a bit racist,” don’t mistake it for them saying “you’re Klu Klux Klan racist scum” (which is a mistake an amazing number of white people make). For the first ten or twenty seconds any response you make will probably come from your defensiveness, not from your brain, so probably you shouldn’t say whatever first comes to your mind.

2) Take the criticism seriously – do not dismiss it without thinking about it. Especially if the criticism comes from a person of color – people of color in our society tend by necessity to be more aware of racism than most Whites are, and pick up on things most Whites overlook. (On the other hand, don’t put the people of color in the room in the position of being your advocate or judge.)

3) Don’t make it about you. Usually the thing to do is apologize for what you said and move on. Especially if you’re in a meeting or something, resist your desire to turn the meeting into a seminar on How Against Racism You Are. The subject of the conversation is probably not “your many close Black friends, and your sincere longstanding and deep abhorrence of racism.”

Think of it as if someone points out that you need to wipe your nose because you’ve got a big glob of snot hanging out. The thing to do is say “oh, excuse me,” wipe your nose, and move on. Insisting that everyone pat you on the back and reassure you that they realize you don’t always have snot hanging from your nose, before the conversation can be allowed to move forward, is not productive.

4) Let Occasional Unfair Accusations Roll Off Your Back. Sometimes, even after you’ve given it serious thought, you’ll come to the conclusion that a criticism was unfair. Great! Now please let it go. Don’t insist that everyone agree with you. Don’t enlist the people of color in the room to certify you as Officially Non-Racist. Don’t bring it up again and again, weeks or months after everyone else has forgotten about the original discussion. In other words, see point #3.

Shorter Ampersand: Don’t make it a whacking huge deal if you say something racist, or something others perceive as racist. Apologize, move on, and consider the criticism seriously so that you can improve your thinking, if need be.

Posted in Race, racism and related issues | 250 Comments

New Blog: Official Shrub.Com Blog

New to me, anyhow – Official Shrub.Com Blog is actually several months old, but I somehow have missed it up until now. (Hey, remember when the feminist blogosphere was so tiny that it was possible to read all the feminist-focused political blogs? Hell, when “Alas” started, it sometimes felt like it was the only politically-focused feminist blog.)

Frankly, I usually ignore blogs with names like this – partisan bashing doesn’t appeal to me much. But Shrub.com is thoughtful, well-written, and spends a lot more time talking about feminism than talking about Dubya. I noticed it yesterday when I was reading every link I could find about that Linda Hershman essay – OS.CB had what I thought was the best post criticizing Hershman.

Posted in Link farms | 4 Comments

Everyone's Talking about Linda Hirshman's "Homeward Bound"

Wanna know why I don’t post more? A big reason is that I like reading too much. For instance, I was thinking of writing something about Linda Hirshman’s article “Homeward Bound.” But first I thought I’d see what other bloggers were saying about it… and that turned out to take up all my available blogging time.

I may or may not find time to write a post about Hirshman’s article – although the number one thing I have to say about it, I’ve already said, which is that much of her premise simply ain’t true. (Note, however, that Hirshman herself, in comments, argues that my criticism is unjust.) Meanwhile, here’s what I’ve been reading::

Official Shrub.com Blog
Seriously, though, without proper data a proper discussion cannot take place. The articles Hirshman cites are crap, even if the message they send may have a grain of truth. There is nothing to be gained by validating their improper methodologies, flawed logic, and misuse of data. If you want to discuss the message, then both sides need to approach the issue with data that was gathered and analyzed properly, otherwise it’s fair game to discredit the message by discrediting evidence provided. […]

The point of “choice feminism” is that we must recognize a woman’s right to make her own choices, even if those choices are anti-feminist, bad for her, or just ones we don’t agree with. It is her right as a human being to live her life the way she sees fit.

It is our job, however, as feminists to see where women’s choices are taken away from them and to broaden the path.

11D
So, women just want to be little domestic honey-bunnies? No barriers other those in their own heads and in the minds of their Neanderthal husbands? They just want to spend their time cleaning and see no benefits for their children by staying at home? Please. These women are not representative of elite women and, even if they are, so what? Why do you care?

Half Changed World
I agree that “having enough autonomy to direct one’s own life” is important. I think that Hirshman is right that women often make choices that make sense at the time, but that cut off future options and reduce their bargaining power in the process. But I think that Hirshman is wildly off base in interpreting “autonomy” solely in terms of increased earnings capacity. She’s equally scornful of women who choose “indentured servitude in social-service jobs” as she is of stay-at-home moms, assuming that this makes them less autonomous than the big firm lawyer working 80 hours a week at a job he hates. (Ironically, at the same time that Hirshman is saying that feminism failed by not making women more career-minded, David Gelernter is whining that feminism is the reason his students are excessively career focused.)

Pandagon
My point is there is middle ground between this silly “all choices are feminist” crap and a more nuanced understanding that all choices women make are in response to oppressive forces and have to be understood as essentially surviving choices. It’s helpful advice to suggest that you marry someone beneath you socially to balance out your class privilege with his male privilege, and it’s helpful to advise someone not to change her name when she marries, but I think it’s not productive to judge women who feel, for whatever reasons, that they are only bringing more oppression into their lives than is worth it by making these choices. Like my bitching vs. just doing the housework example–who’s really going to line up to cast judgement on me when I’ve accurately concluded that it’s easier for me to have to do all the housework rather than be labeled a nag and a shrew?

Sivacracy.net
Emphatic note to Linda Hirshman: Feminists can say anything they damn well want (even “Fuck you!” when we are so moved, which is not a random observation here); most elite women DO “choose” the trajectory of their lives, at least as much as the rest of us do, thanks in large part to the triumphs of feminism; and feminism as I understand and experience it is not “in collusion with traditional society.” We are subverting the patriarchy one day at a time by living as we want to, rather than following instructions dictated by men, or by you.

Midlife Mama
Yet (sigh) I fear she’s right that one way to change relationships is for women to increase their earning power. (She also suggests they could be changed if women would “marry down” in age or status, or if they married liberals. She reports this with–seemingly–no irony.)

Bitch, PhD
In fact, I believe that this is the single most irretrievably gendered division-of-labor issue for couples who want to be, or think they are, equals: the person whose job it is to monitor that equality is the person who has the least power. And in most cases, that’s the woman. That’s why “don’t put yourself in a position of unequal resources” is absolutely crucial advice: if you’re going to have to monitor your marriage to make sure that it’s an equal partnership, then that is in and of itself part of the labor of the relationship. That “counts,” and having to do that “extra” work will be a lot more palatable, and possible, if you ensure from the outset that all other aspects of your marriage distribute resources equally.

Angry Pregnant Lawyer
So the reason that the number of women in elite jobs is small is because feminism failed. It has nothing to do with outright or even subtle discrimination in the workplace, or with society’s attitudes toward women, work, and families. There’s a nifty trick: I’m sorry, but your quest for equality hasn’t happened yet, so obviously it’s a clunker of an idea. Forget everything you have achieved in the past 30 years–it’s time to pack it up and get a new ideology.

Rebel Dad
The ideal situation for most families should be shared parenting, where a child has ample doses of both parents. The best way to make that happen is through workplace flexibility: alternative schedules, ample part-time work (with benefits), telecommuting options, etc. There is no reason why the workplace in 2005 needs to run like it did in 1981, when the phone company was a monopoly, fax machines were considered something close to black magic and the internet was powered by 213 computers. If you could build businesses around the concepts advocated by Joan Williams at UC-Hastings — proportional pay, benefits and advancement for part-timers — a lot of Hirshman’s concerns would disappear.

Playground Revolution
The Linda Hirshman piece in the American Prospect is getting emailed around, and got a spot on AlterNet. More tendentious lies, as in: the workplace changed enough. Oh, please. I was interviewed for that piece, and totally distrust the author’s assumptions and her willingness to be honest and truthful. I’m so exhausted by ideologues. Her database: three weeks worth of couples who advertised their June weddings in, yes, the Sunday New York Times. She’s trying to find a book contract for this, god help us all. And she’s a scholar too, she should know better about how to use evidence. Enough, enough, enough.

The Republic of Heaven
Once you’ve assigned false consciousness to every woman who says that she chose to scale back (or forgo entirely) her career in order to have a better family life (a positive externality she fails to include in her calculations of the economics of one income versus two), you have taken a pretty hard position to falsify. How can I prove to you that I enjoy the time that I spend with my daughter, and that I receive value from that, which compensates (given my set of preferences) for the lost income? She has already pronounced that my preferences are invalid, so I have no grounds for argument.

Boston Mommy
Apparently there are still people who – instead of looking for ways to make American work places more family friendly, to remove the penalties for stepping off the fast track (for moms AND dads), to encourage companies to invest in and help retain talented employees by allowing parents to balance work and kids through telecommuting and truncated work schedule options – would prefer to attack the moms who didn’t chose to partake of the full-time day care option.

Blogging Baby
When I think of my friends and mama role models, a lot of them are combining work and family. My good friend Liz, who had baby #2 a few weeks ago, was working for CSFB right up until labor. Another buddy from business school just got in touch with me last week, and I found she was already working fulltime only six months after the birth of her first son. Meg Whitman is the CEO of eBay despite having two boys and a husband whose career is similarly demanding. Although my own career has changed gears a bit in the past three years, I’m still pretty much on track with my goals – although I have taken work that pays less in order to balance it with child rearing, my resume is still full of “chief” this and “VP of” that.

Joanne Jacobs
Men don’t have to make the choice, Hirshman writes. I think most men don’t get to make that choice. They’re usually stuck with the breadwinner role, whether they want it or not. These days, women really do have a choice, but not one without consequences.

Litotical Construct
I find it a curious methodology to look at work in order to assess whether women are being discriminated against, not merely treated differently, vis a vis men. In the civil rights cases challenging the practice of excluding blacks from juries, it was a quick but not trivial question how blacks could be burdened when they were relieved of an obligation; it seems the same problem is inescapable when one uses work to measure opportunity. In the courtroom, a judge could simply decide that since the disparate treatment was suffered by the defendant and not the excused veniremen, it would henceforth be true as a matter of law that singling out black jurors is discriminatory. When a social scientist tries to decipher the world, however, no such resolution by fiat is available.

The Useless Tree
Although it may be true that when a highly trained woman lawyer or architect or corporate professional drops out of the work force it may give employers pause in hiring other women (will they leave for family reasons?), that social cost (inequality in the workplace) is certainly offset by the social good of family care. No, instead of casting aspersions on women caregivers, we should think of ways of enabling more men to do the same kind of caregiving.

Posted in Families structures, divorce, etc, Gender and the Economy | 17 Comments

The "Opt-Out Revolution" Is A Myth

Media outlets, and in particular the New York Times, have frequently suggested that mothers – and in particular, well-off, well-educated mothers in their 30s – have been more and more frequently “opting out” of jobs and careers in order to become full-time homemakers. Linda Hirshman recently declared in The American Prospect that “among the affluent-educated-married population, women are letting their careers slide to tend the home fires.”

All of these articles were based on a mixture of anecdotes, bad data, and quasi-relevant data. The most relevant data – the labor force participation rates of women with and without children – is collected by the federal government, but hasn’t been looked at in these articles. Economist Heather Boushey has put together the data and published the unsurprising truth: women with children are not more likely to opt out nowadays than in previous decades. In fact, the “child penalty’ to the likelihood of women working has been in steady decline for years.

Labor Force Participation Rates by Motherhood

The above image, simplified and adapted from Boushey’s analysis, gets the central point across. Although all women have been less likely to be working in recent years (due to the job market’s slow recovery from the last recession), the labor force participation rate (LFPR) of women with children hasn’t gone down any faster than the LFPR for women in general. And although it’s true that mothers are less likely to work than non-mothers, that difference has become smaller over the years – just the opposite of what “opt-out revolution” articles claim.

How about those highly-educated thirtysomething moms the media has been so focused on (even though such moms are only 3.2% of all U.S. moms)? According to Boushey, these folks are the most likely to work of all American mothers; and, contrary to media claims, their LFPR has been steady or rising, not dropping.

(However, Boushey also made the interesting finding that among women who don’t work, highly-educated thirtysomething women are especially likely to have children at home. Part of the reason for this is that women with more education are more likely to have put off having children until their thirties. Another reason may be that for women with really good job prospects, nothing short of children at home is enough to convince them to “opt out.”)

I wonder if the media will give the empirical evidence the same coverage they gave the opt-out myth? I won’t hold my breath. Boushey’s full report can be read here.

UPDATE: The New York Times business section has a decent story on it.

Posted in Gender and the Economy | 63 Comments

"Daddy, Poppa and Me" taken down by hacker scum

UPDATE: It’s back online now. Yay!

A longtime blog-friend of “Alas,” Daddy, Poppa and Me, appears to have been brought down by a hacker. Fortunately, Trey had back-ups of most of his files, and was able to recover more from google.

But Trey’s blog is not yet back up. Currently, every page on Trey’s site either goes to a page saying ‘hacked by hatsa’ or to a “The requested URL was not found on this server” page. This happens despite the fact that the files are there; Trey, and Trey’s ISP tech folks, cannot figure out what’s causing the redirection.

If anyone might have expertise with hacker attacks and security, or has ideas how Trey could fix the damage, Trey would welcome any advice or assistance. He’d even give ftp/telnet access to any long-term readers (i.e., people we know are trustworthy!) of his blog or of “Alas.” Leave suggestions and comments on this thread, and I’ll make sure Trey sees them.

Trey also wants everyone to know that “I WILL be back even if I have to move hosts and go through all that hassle! I’m not going to let a malicious hacker end my blog.”

Posted in Whatever | 22 Comments

Thursday is Blog Against Racism Day

Read here for the details.

Posted in Race, racism and related issues | 4 Comments

Feminism and Anti-Feminism

What if I called myself a conservative – but virtually all of my writings on the subject were devoted to passionately denouncing conservatives, and I didn’t actually favor any conservative policies to address any of today’s problems? What if I had virtually never published a positive word about conservatism (apart from “however…” type passages in essays denouncing conservatism?) What if my self-styled conservatism had the practical effect of giving myself a better platform from which to denounce conservatism?

My guess is that, if all that were the case, most conservatives would find my claim to conservatism suspect. Modern conservatism encompasses many different views, but it doesn’t encompass the view that modern conservatism is a terrible idea that ought be done away with.

On a feminist mailing list, I recently called Cathy Young an “anti-feminist journalist.” Cathy has taken issue with this:

I think that labeling me (or, say, Wendy McElroy) “anti-feminist” (1) is inaccurate and (2) establishes a rigid ideological definition of what “feminism” is. I also think that, whether or not Barry intends it that way, “anti-feminist” is a pejorative. Indeed, I would say that Barry himself uses it as a pejorative: the section on his blog dedicated to critics of feminism is called “Anti-Feminist Zaniness,” and in this 2004 thread, he says, in a partial defense of yours truly, “I’m not saying that … she doesn’t say stupid, anti-feminist things…”

Okay, let’s take this a bit at a time.

Is “Anti-Feminist” Always A Pejorative?

Do I use “anti-feminist” as a pejorative – that is, as the OED puts it, as “a word or expression which by its form or context expresses or implies contempt for the thing named”? I don’t think I do. I use it just as I use words like “libertarian” “republican” and “conservative” – terms which describe political philosophies.

It’s true that in the loose talk of a comments section that was (at that moment) pretty much all-feminist, I wrote that Cathy said “stupid anti-feminist things.” In hindsight, I should’ve put that more diplomatically (i.e, “endorses terrible anti-feminist ideas”), but I’m sure I’ve also referred casually to “stupid republican things” at some point in my life – and I bet many conservatives have done the same with words like “feminist” and “liberal,” when they’ve been talking casually among the like-minded. That doesn’t make any of these words pejoratives which can’t be used in a good-faith debate.

What Does “Feminist” Mean?

Before we can define “anti-feminist,” we have to discuss what “feminist” means. And here, we immediately run into trouble: feminism has dozens of meanings, depending on who you speak to. And, clearly, I have no authority (or desire) to define feminism for anyone apart from myself; people who want to think of themselves as “feminists” are free to do so regardless of if I agree.

So I’ll just talk about what “feminist” means to me. Here’s how I’ve put it in the past:

A feminist:

1) Believes that there is current, significant, society-wide inequality and sexism which on balance disadvantages women.

2) Advocates for the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.

Cathy would presumably find that a “rigid ideological definition of what ‘feminism’ is.” One of Cathy’s anonymous readers is harsher, writing that “Anyone with whom [Ampersand] disagrees on gender issues is ‘anti-feminist’ and is therefore a complete reactionary bigot.”

I don’t think either of these claims hold up to scrutiny. Far from being “rigid,” my definition of “feminist” is a vast sprawling tent, easily encompassing countless contrary feminist opinions (radical feminist, eco-feminist, liberal feminist, socialist feminist, womanist, cultural feminist, trans feminist, third wave feminist, etc etc). And although I disagree with aspects of most of those views, I’ve never called them “anti-feminist” views – because they’re not.

What is Anti-Feminism?

The Oxford English Dictionary defines an anti-feminist as “One opposed to women or to feminism.” Cathy doesn’t oppose women, but you’d have to impossibly distort her work to argue that she doesn’t oppose feminism; virtually all her writings on feminism are attacks on feminists and feminism. The OED offers a second definition: “a person (usu. a man) who is hostile to sexual equality or to the advocacy of women’s rights.” Cathy isn’t hostile to equality (and she’s not a man!), but her writing clearly is “hostile to… the advocacy of women’s rights.” She thinks women already have virtually all the rights they need, and therefore further advocacy is unnecessary.

In the introduction to her book Ceasefire!, Cathy concedes that in one area – the family/work balance – women might still have a legitimate complaint. But virtually all other concerns that justify a “case for continued feminist activism,” she dismisses as illegitimate. There’s a big difference between criticizing some feminist views, and denying that there’s a legitimate need for a women’s movement at all. How can anyone who doesn’t see a need for a movement for women’s equality, be a feminist?

As I wrote two years ago:

My main problem with “ifeminism” and other conservative brands of feminism is that they seem to be premised on the idea that (at least in this country) feminism has already won. The essential message I see in McElroy’s iFeminist columns and books like Who Stole Feminism? is that women are already equal; there is no need to agitate for change in order to bring women’s equality about.

So, for example, conservative “feminists” argue that we shouldn’t worry about the wage gap, because it’s merely a matter of worker’s individual choices, and has nothing to do with discrimination. They argue that the rape crisis is fiction, a result of feminist exaggerations and morning-after regrets. They argue that domestic violence has nothing to do with sexism because (as Christina Hoff Sommers argued) men are equal victims of spouse abuse.

Note the common theme – in each case, the conclusion of the argument is that sexism against women is no longer a problem, and political, activist solutions – that is, feminism – is no longer necessary.

Well, that’s nice – but it’s not feminism. Feminism is and has always been about activism; feminists are trying to change society. In particular, feminism is about changing society so that women, who are unfairly kept down in our society, can at last experience full equality.

If you don’t believe that sexism is an important problem keeping women down today, then you may be a nice person, and you may believe in equality – but you’re just not a feminist.

Why This Matters: Does Feminism Have Any Meaning At All?

The danger I see in Cathy’s views is that, if they were generally accepted, the result would be that the word “feminist” would be drained of meaning. If Cathy is a feminist, then feminism is no longer “an organized movement for the attainment of… rights for women” (to quote the definition of “feminism” Cathy cites). Feminism no longer means fighting sexism against women. Judging by Cathy’s writings, her brand of feminism involves attacking feminism at every turn while generally supporting men’s rights activists.

In Cathy’s view, being a feminist doesn’t require endorsing any feminist policy positions, or ever taking a pro-feminist stand in public, or being part of a movement for attaining women’s equality, or thinking such a movement can do any good at all. In the end, Cathy seems to think “feminist” is a term that can reasonably be applied to anyone who doesn’t explicitly oppose equality. But nowadays, virtually everyone says they favor equality, so that means nothing.

I agree with Cathy that a “rigid ideological definition” of feminism would be a mistake. But the opposite mistake – being so all-inclusive that “feminism” ceases to mean much of anything – is just as bad.

Uppdatering: There seems to be a related discussion going on here. Unfortunately, I can’t understand a word of it Swedish. If any “Alas” readers can read that language Swedish, please let the rest of us know the gist of their discussion. :-)

Uppdatering Uppdatering: There’s a translation, by the author, posted in the comments now. Yay!

Posted in Anti-feminists and their pals, Feminism, sexism, etc | 296 Comments

Monday Baby Blogging – Sydney in the Blinds

Only one photo to show you this week – this one of Sydney playing with the blinds. I just like this photo. You can click on it to see a larger version.

Yet another photo of Sydney

In other baby-related news, I inadvertently gave Sydney two of her Christmas presents a month early. See, Sydney’s parents just keep the presents on a shelf and refuse to give them to Sydney until it’s time. That works – until you stick Sydney in that room with her Uncle Sucker Amp, who knows nothing of the shelf system. “Pony! Pony!” Oh, you want this My Little Pony doll? Right away, adored one. “Frog! Frog!” The frog gets forked over, too.

Then Sydney marched proudly into the next room to show her Mommy the presents Uncle Sucker Amp gave her. The expression on Mommy’s face? Priceless.

Posted in Baby & kid blogging | 2 Comments

African Girl Brides Traded Like Cattle

From an article in the New York Times:

In villages throughout northern Malawi, girls are often married at or before puberty to whomever their fathers choose, sometimes to husbands as much as half a century older. Many of those same girls later choose lifelong misery over divorce because custom decrees that children in patriarchal tribes belong to the father.

In interviews, fathers and daughters here unapologetically explained the rationales for forced, intergenerational unions.

Uness Nyambi, of the village of Wiliro, said she was betrothed as a child so her parents could finance her brother’s choice of a bride. Now about 17, she has two children, the oldest nearly 5, and a husband who guesses he is 70. “Just because of these two children, I can not leave him,” she said.

Beatrice Kitamula, 19, was forced to marry her wealthy neighbor, now 63, five years ago because her father owed another man a cow. “I was the sacrifice,” Ms. Kitamula said, holding back tears. She likened her husband’s comfortable compound of red brick houses in Ngana village to a penitentiary. “When you are in prison,” she said, “you have no rights.”

In tiny Sele, Lyson Morenga, a widower, financed his re-marriage two years ago by giving his daughter Rachel, then 12, to a 50-year-old acquaintance in exchange for a black bull, according to his new in-laws. Mr. Morenga delivered the bull to his new wife’s family as a partial payment, said his wife’s uncle, Stewart Simkonda. Mr. SImkonda said Mr. Morenga had promised to deliver a larger payment after the impending marriage of Rachel’s younger sister.

Malawi government officials say they try hard to protect girls like Rachel. Legislation before Parliament would raise the minimum age for marriage to 18, the legal age in most countries. Currently, marriages of Malawian girls from 15 to 18 are legal with the parents’ consent. Women’s rights advocates say they welcome the proposal, even though its effect would be limited because many marriages here, like much of the sub-Saharan region, take place under traditional customs, not civil law. […]

Malawi officials say that this region’s growing poverty, worsened by AIDS and recent crop-killing drought, has put even more young girls at risk of forced marriage.

“This practice has been there for a long time, but it is getting worse now because there is desperation,” said Penston Kilembe, Malawi’s director of social welfare services. “It is particularly prevalent in communities that have been hard hit by famine. Households that can no longer fend for themselves opt to sell off their children to wealthier households.”

“The gains which were made in addressing early marriages are being lost,” said Andrina Mchiela, principal secretary for the Ministry of Gender.

Women’s rights advocates want to abolish marriage payments, or lobolo, saying they create a financial incentive for parents to marry off their daughters. But even the advocates describe the tradition as politically untouchable.

In its most benign form, lobolo is a token of appreciation from the groom’s family to the bride’s. At its most egregious, it turns girls into the human equivalent of cattle. In much of northern Malawi, lobolo negotiations are typically all-male discussions of down payments, installments, settlements and the occasional refund for a wife who runs off.

The entire article is worth reading.

Posted in International issues, Rape, intimate violence, & related issues | 24 Comments

The Times on Women Retiring To Take Care of Parents

[I saw this posted by Kathy Geier on a mailing list, in response to a New York Times article entitled “Forget the Career. My Parents Need Me at Home.” As Echidne points out, this seems to be the latest in an ongoing series of Times articles warning women away from high-powered careers. Kathy kindly gave me permission to reprint her post on “Alas.” –Amp]

I am not denying that care for the elderly is a huge problem in our society and that women bear the brunt of it. Indeed, I and many other feminists have worked to try to change our society and the workplace so that the burden of care work does not fall entirely on women’s shoulders, and so that women will find it easier to combine work and family responsibilities.

But as I said in my original post about this article, and I’ve said about the others in this genre, the idea that there is some sort of “trend” whereby significant numbers of professional class women (and it’s always only the professional class women we are talking about, in NewYorkTimesLand, anyway) are suddenly deciding to dump their careers because they find true happiness only in caring for families, is a crock. I know of no evidence, no research, no numbers that support this idea. And none of these articles have ever pointed to any good evidence that it is a trend.

The survey that the bogus Yale article was based on contained leading questions and was based on a response rate of well under 30%. My survey research prof says that any time you have a response rate of 50% or under, the results are highly questionable because there’s a strong likelihood of selection bias.

Aside from my political objections, this kind of thing is just amazingly shoddy journalism. Anecdotes do not equal a trend, and I would have hoped that New York Times reporters and editors, of all people, would understand that.

Yes, many women experience intense work/family conflict, and some of them drop out of the workforce because of it. But I have yet to see any evidence that more women are doing this than in the past. And I’ve seen tons of evidence that more women than ever before are becoming highly educated and entering the professions.

What I hate about these stories, besides the bullshit “trend” aspect, is that they are always framed as being purely about women’s personal “choices.” The context is completely depoliticized. In terms of elderly parents, for example, no one asks why the sons and brothers are not doing more. Or why our society doesn’t provide more publically funded care for the elderly, or why we don’t have more family-friendly work policies.

This kind of coverage provides plenty of grist for employers who want an excuse to discrminate against women. It also creates a climate in which ambitious young women may feel fearful and discouraged about pursuing a professional career. I’ll end with this quote from Echidne of the Snakes:

I’m thinking how this all would look to a young teenaged girl who is smart and ambitious and wants to find the cure for cancer or something similar. What would she learn from reading the New York Times? First she would find out that she would probably be regarded as a bad mother if she didn’t quit working while her children are young (September). This might make her decide to stay childless. Then she would find out that being successful would make her frightening to men and that she might never marry (October). If she was really ambitious she might then decide to stay single to be able to carry on with her professional plans. But this month, November, she is told that as a potential childless spinster she will probably be expected to take care of her parents one day. There is really no escape from the female gender roles, is there?
Posted in Families structures, divorce, etc, Gender and the Economy, Media criticism | 28 Comments