…I received my usual ‘take action alert’ email from them today, however this one was a bit entertaining given the political climate in this country and the state of women’s reproductive rights. It parodies the growing threat of Dubya appointing an uber-c0nservative, vehemently anti-choice/anti-contraceptives ideologue to the Supreme Court, with an interesting ‘help wanted ad’ and a humorous list of possible nominees for the job of Supreme Court justice.
Bush’s current applicants to the Supreme Court are: a Scalia clone. A judge who failed to earn a “qualified” rating by a state bar commission – TWICE. And a judge who upheld an abortion ban that was later found unconstitutional by the Supreme Court…
Yes indeed, President Bush has been working REALLY hard to gather applications for this job, and frankly, we think he needs a break! So here’s your chance to help Bush for once…
Pick the Supreme Court applicant YOU think is best in line with the strict qualifications and legal expertise of president’s current short-list:
Cartman from South Park
“Respect my authoritay!”Paris Hilton
“The constitution? That’s HOT.”Darth Vader
“I already have the black robe.”The Cast of the O.C.
“Upping the Supreme Court’s ratings with a little beach drama”Wonkette
(Would be novel to see someone on the Supreme Court who’s as obsessed with people’s sex lives as Scalia. We call a Lawrence v. Texas rematch!)
And yes, I just had to pick my favorite ‘choking-everyone-who-irritates-him’ villain, Darth Vader. So who should get the job from this “wonderful” list of nominees?
Paris Hilton, hands down!
Ahh, yes. Darth Vader. You rock, Amp!
[Actually, it was posted by Pseudo-Adrienne. She rocks! –Amp]
Anybody know how to find out who’s winning? Not that it matters, because every last one of them would make a better Supreme Court Justice than the nutcases that Bush has a tendency to nominate.
Especially Darth Vader.
And Wonkette.
But mostly Darth Vader.
Cartman!
Cartman: It’s a man’s obligation to stick his boneration in a women’s separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.
Cartman: I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I’d be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!
Cartman: I’ve learned something, too: selling out is sweet because when you sell out, you get to make a lot of money, and when you have money, you don’t have to hang out with a bunch of poor asses like you guys. Screw you guys, I’m going home.
Cartman leaves the others in the dust. Plus he could blame his backward views on women by being abducted by aliens and having a satellite dish burst from his ass.
Respect mah authoritah!! Woman, git in that kitchen and make me a pah!
Wonkette hits the big time!
That was cute, reminds me of The Onion’s “man on the street” thing.
Upon reading this again, I realized something.
“Pick the Supreme Court applicant YOU think is best in line with the strict qualifications and legal expertise of president’s current short-list”
“Best IN LINE????? As in, on a par with them?
This information leads me to have to change my vote. To suggest that Darth Vader is “in line” with Dubya’s stellar squad of craptastic potential nominees, is an insult. Which I hereby retract and apologize for. Darth Vader is more qualified than any of them, having displayed much more consideration for the law, at least, although his sense of right and wrong might be only slightly less warped. (The slaughter of the Jedi in Ep. 3 was brought on by the belief that the Jedi had betrayed the Republic—most of the Right has happily endorsed the slaughter of various Iraqis, on the belief that they were in on Sept. 11, had weapons of mass destruction, need to be “freed,” or are sitting on our oil (why ARE we still there, anyway?), and has ignored large numbers of deaths in Darfur, Palestine, Colombia, not to mention those caused by AIDS) While he might not be a perfect ACLU posterboy, he’s also much better than the Wingnut Assembly of Bad Judges (he couldn’t be; he isn’t Christian), and, as Amp pointed out, he already has the black robes.
Anyway, in light of the job description being for someone who is on a par with Bush’s nominees, I have to eliminate Darth Vader from consideration based on the fact that he is overqualified to be a Bush nominee, and hereby vote for . . . Cartman.
Paris Hilton and Wonkette are also overqualified, and there is presumably only one seat available at a time; if the entire OC cast were to sit in it, it would collapse.
Sorry, Pseudo-Adrienne, for mistaking you for Amp. I typed in the URL and was expecting the Account Suspended page, so when “Alas, a Blog” came up, I thought, “Amp’s back! YEAH!” and then noticed the post being partially about Darth Vader, and, well, stopped thinking straight. Darth Vader kind of has that effect on me.
Apologies.
Oh, definitely Cartman! Kickass!
O’Connor is a bitch
A big fat bitch
She’s a big fat, big fat bitch!
Yeah!
If restricted to the list at hand, I’m gonna have to go with Darth “take no prisoners” Vader.
But I think we should hand the whole establishment over to the Upright Citizens Brigade.
Paris Hilton. She’d probably do less damage to society on the bench then another season of Simple Life would. Unless they do Simple Life: Justices, in which case we’re all doomed.
Paris Hilton, no question. It’s about the incompetence, folks!
yeah, i was thinking darth vader, but then again, i don’t know that he has a leg to stand on…
Either Cartman or Darth Vader. Its a tough choice!
Even though I edited Wonkette in college, I’m going to have to go with Cartman, because he’s totally kewl….and we have Darth Vader on the Supreme Court already. His name’s Antonin Scalia.
Aaron Writes,
“And we have Darth Vader on the Supreme Court already. His name’s Antonin Scalia.”
That is slander. Both ways.
We have Cartman on the Supreme Court already. HIS name is Antonin Scalia. That is only slander one way, as it accuses Cartman of being less than funny.
We also, strangely enough, have Cartman in the White House (“Respect my authority! Bomb Iraq ’cause it has terrorists and nukular weapons and lots of oil! And women, get back in yer chastity belts or else start poppin’ out babies for my No Child Left Behind system to ignore!”), the Senate (many times over), al Quaeda (“Women, get back in that kitchen an’ don’t even think about having sex or driving or bein’ smart ’cause we’ll stone ya just like we did in the good ol’ Taliban days!”), and the 700 Club (“Stupid feminists and pagans and homosexuals and tree-huggers! September 11 was all their fault!”).
OK, most of that was a bit of a stretch. But does anybody notice how Cartman treats women, including as his mother? All the time? He doesn’t belong on the Supreme Court. Come to think of it, however, Cartman is also on bookshelves across America. His name is Ann Coulter.