Via Culture Kitchen, with more commentary from Amanda at Pandagon.
FOR THE STRAIGHT FOLKS WHO DON’T MIND GAYS BUT WISH THEY WEREN’T SO BLATANT
You know, some people got a lot of nerve.
Sometimes I don’t believe the things I see and hear.Have you met the woman who’s shocked by two women kissing and in the same breath, tells you she is pregnant?
BUT gays, shouldn’t be so blatant.Or this straight couple sits next to you in a movie and you can’t hear the dialogue because of the sound effects.
BUT gays shouldn’t be so blatant.And the woman in your office spends and entire lunch hour talking about her new bikini drawers and how much her husband likes them.
BUT gays shouldn’t be so blatant.Or the “hip” chick in your class rattling like a mile a minute while you’re trying to get stoned in the john, about the camping trip she took with her musician boyfriend.
BUT gays shouldn’t be so blatant.You go in a public bathroom and all over the walls there’s John loves Mary, Janice digs Richard, Pepe loves Delores, etc., etc.
BUT gays shouldn’t be so blatant.Or your go to an amusement park and there’s a tunnel of love and pictures of straights painted on the front and grinning couples are coming in and out.
BUT gays shouldn’t be so blatant.Fact is, blatant heterosexuals are all over the place. Supermarkets, movies, on your job, in church, in books, on television every day day and night, every place-even- in gay bars and they want gay men and woman to go and hide in the closet.
So to you straight folks I say, “Sure, I’ll go if you go too”
BUT I’m polite so, after you.
I’d much rather see gay couples holding hands than most of the straight PDA that goes on in public that I think is better suited to a venue behind closed doors!
The funny thing is that this doesn’t have to be about PDA’s. Heterosexism is EVERYWHERE. From the pathetic constant gossiping about celebrities fucking of the opposite sex (although, Katie, honey, Tom’s a bloody freak … and Angelina, baby, one word … women), to women I overhear chatting about one of their upcoming weddings on the subway and how sweet ‘he’ was. It’s in children’s stories, it’s in cartoons, it’s on the bloody news when a female copresenter talks about her husband. It’s on billboards, on the front of the magazines read by the person next to me in a cafe.
But, nooooooooo, if I wear a pro-SSM badge on my tote-bag or purse, then I get glares, because I am shoving it down people’s throats. A cute teenage lesbian couple walk onto the subway train just holding hands and they are given looks that are telling them at the very least that what they are displaying is inappropriate, at worst that maybe they shouldn’t get off at the same stop as that person.
The icing on the cake was the crap that went down recently with the Fab5 throwing the first pitch(es) at the Fen in Boston. Leaving aside my own comments on the Red Sox (Go Cubbies!) and rather obvious jokes about who on the Red Sox was catching their pitches, the amount of shite I heard about how this “wasn’t appropriate for a family event” and “it’s being shoved in our faces” reaks of bigotry and ignorance on a level that simply short-circuits the brain of anyone with even a mediocure amount of reason.
Sure, if Carson had done the nasty with Jesus on the mound (eeeuuww, but Jai on the other hand … hmmmm, and this is from a lesbian) then maybe we might have had something to talk about. But no. Yes, they are famous for being flaming queens (and honestly, if I had half their style, I’d damn well strut it too) but that really says a hell of a lot more about the real level of homophobia, heterosexism and bigotry in this country that really lies below the so much surface level ‘tolerance’.
Until you look through the eyes of someone on the outside, you aren’t seeing jack shit.
Wow, excellent comment. I suddenly ‘get’ what it must feel like to have that other privelege. And that’s scary.
(On the whole Cruise recruiting the young Holmes into his scientology cult – isn’t that just creepy as hell?! It’s like *any* hetero marriage among the celeb aristocracy is worth promoting, no matter how messed up it is.)
I love Pat Parker. Talk about a revolutionary kick-ass poet. “For Willyce” is one of my favorite lesbian poems.
I took a Queer Theory course last fall (kind of amazing when you consider I went to college in very rural Missouri), where we read a piece called “I Hate Straights” http://www.qrd.org/qrd/misc/text/queers.read.this. Parker’s poem reminded me of it. The point of the work is to wake up complacent GLBT folks (::cough:: Log Cabin Republicans::cough::) and to get straight people to recognize hetero priviledge. It’s very unapologetically angry, which is partly why I love it so much. There were two openly gay people in that class, me and a male friend, and we really connected with it. The reactions of the rest of the class were pretty telling. There were a lot of comments about how “alienating” and “unproductive” it was; it wasn’t “building bridges” with straights. The anger in it freaked them out. Gay people aren’t supposed to be angry; they’re supposed to be, at best, pitiable, or the butt of a joke, or fabulously redecorating your home. That seems to be the case with any oppressed group, you can be a tragic victim or a buffoon, but not angry (I’m thinking especially of groups like the Black Panthers or “militant” feminists).
Not to mention the homophobia that gets tossed on to us str8 allies. Why can’t a married mother of one wear a marriage equality button? Great rant, btw.
When I see same-sex couples holding hands, kissing in public, and so forth, I usually want to cheer and applaud. That, however, might be a bit socially awkward, so I restrain myself.
All sexual behavior should be private and kept private. PDA by anyone is rude.
In the interest of comity and human interaction, however, I’m willing to compromise: people can hold hands, same- or opposite-sex.
*looks around to see if anyone is watching*
I know I am indulging in some serious thread drift here … but omg michelle b. I am SO with you on this one, TomKat (as the media is referring to this particular relationship, think we have Bennifer to blame for that one) is just a scary scary thing!
*Sarah coughs politely and returns to her ever-so-serious research work*
[oh, and thank you if you were referring to my comment … if not, please ignore my ego as it leaves]
Well, when you consider that a lot of people get upset if a mother breast-feeds in public but don’t bat an eye when parents slap their children in public, glaring at gays isn’t too surprising. We have no problems with abuse; it’s love and caring that offend us.
We have no problems with abuse; it’s love and caring that offend us.
You got a mouse in your pocket? I’m not in that “we”, nor is anyone that I know.
I have never been in any social context where slapping a child would not draw attention. Where do you live, Folsom State Prison?
Next time someone complains or looks pissed at a same-sex PDA (if not about you and your partner, then about some other couple), ask them what’s wrong, and if they tell you, then tell them it is perfectly all right, since if half the couple were the other gender it would be completely acceptable, and to complain about one type of couple and not the other would be bigoted and wrong. Then smile sweetly and go about your business.
That’s the one advantage of the existance of homophobes, sexists, in-your-face Bible thumpers, and similar bigots: it’s so damn fun to be rude to people who deserve it.
“We have no problem with abuse; it’s love and caring that offend us.”
That needs to be turned around. Personally, I don’t mind seeing any sort of public displays of affection—it’s their right, and it’s not their fault that my eyes are recieving the light that reflects off them and my brain is interpreting it to show what they are doing—so long as it’s not in my face or next to me in a crowded place, and doesn’t interfere with what I’m doing, say, watching and listening to a movie. Their rights to be loud ends where my right to get my money’s worth out of the movie begin.
The argument that it’s an “eyesore” really is a slippery slope—the Taliban used basically the same argument to insist that women wear burqas (men shouldn’t look at women, so women are responsible for making sure men don’t see them) when they (and the moral voices of America) should be teaching “if you don’t want to see something, don’t look at it.”
The sun is bright enough that looking at it hurts your eyes and makes you see spots after you look away. We deal with that by not looking at it. The freedom of expression by other people overrides people’s wishes to not see things they find offensive—with some restrictions such as pornography, slander/libel, and hate speech, but I don’t think PDA’s, gay or straight, fall into these categories.
By the way, if any lurking trolls think of trying the above argument on the Ten Commandments in courtrooms case, don’t bother. Courthouses are government property and therefore not a public forum but a government forum, and the government does not have freedom of expression. It has a responsibility to treat all faiths equally and not promote one.
I will never complain about seeing the ten commandments in front of a church. I don’t even complain about the big tombstone marked “For all the unborn victims of abortion” that’s in front of my local Catholic church, or the billboard a few miles out of town that pictures a (cute) six-month-old baby with the words “My heart was beating eighteen days from conception” (I keep wanting to ask how she kept count) or try to ban the T-shirt I saw a guy wearing a few weeks ago that said “I have the dick, so I make the rules.” I find all of them offensive, to one degree or another, but they fall under free speech, and I don’t hate them enough to give up my own free speech rights to shut them up.
I’ll bet none of the people who complain about PDA’s would be willing to give up their own freedom of expression (and that of others who think the same way) to get rid of PDA’s. No, they want to ban everything they disagree with, and allow and encourage and favor things they agree with. Surprise, surprise.
Sorry, hit the wrong button. Wanted to make the point that the T-shirt I mentioned before, while irritating, has the useful function of informing everyone that its wearer is an asshole.
Well… I’m straight and I’m prejudiced. Homo behaviour shcoks me. But, then, my educated mind takes hold, and I reason out that it’s only prejudice, so I ban it from my thoughts.
In the other hand, blatant behaviour, both straight and homo, annoys me. Not walking hand in hand, exchanging caresses or kisses, using wedding rings, and such. I mean bragging about someone’s sexuality.
Anybody’s sexual preferences are a matter of choice: not “virtue”, nor “shame”…
But I honestly confess my prejudice.
i want Christians to stop “blatantly” shoving their religion in my face. I mean, goddess, all of those crosses, and “Jesus is my homeboy” t-shirts and the prayer circles in front of the Union is just so rude.
Oh wait, I’m an adult, I have the option to look away. Funny how that works…
or try to ban the T-shirt I saw a guy wearing a few weeks ago that said “I have the dick, so I make the rules.
Oh, gosh, no ban. That’s when you run up to him, pull a 12″ dildo out of your purse, and say “So, is yours bigger, or do I get to make the rules now?”
[passes mythago fresh coffee and a cheese danish.]
Go with the electric-lime-green or the purple-glitter dildo, mythago. I find those go particularly well with the early summer wardrobe.
[drift for Antigone] A few weeks ago, I went into a local coffee shop to get my morning buzz. My (male) partner was with me. We passed a sports utility gas hog in the parking lot with the ubiquitous collection of Christ-hugger decals, including the lovely “ONE MAN, ONE WOMAN” sticker. As we marched into the coffee shop, I boomed as loudly as I could (in the spirit of Kevin Moore and others) “ONE MAN, ONE WOMAN, ONE IDIOT TOO MANY !!!” I was promptly rewarded with an extremely dirty look from two guys at a nearby table, who obviously drove the gas hog (and several snickers from the staff behind the counter).
I wonder if they would have made a scene if I hadn’t been with my male partner ? Ah, well. What’s the point of hetero privilege if you CAN’T try and use it towards good once in awhile ? :o
[\end drift]
mmm, coffee.
Glitter scares me. It’s scratchy.
I prefer my glowing-in-the-dark purple one. He he, I have an education, a step ladder, hot water to losen jars, a dolly, and a vibrator….anti-femist men should be scared…everything they’re good for I’ve replaced.
Blatant is retarded. i can get on the whole “PDA is gross” occasionally (I do not want to see porn when I dont choose to watch it) but is homosexual PDA that much more shameful than hetero? Seriously, to me it’s kinda sweet: they’re in love.
I’ll accept a ban on same-sex PDA if the right is willing to give making blatant displays of their deep-seated sexual dsyfunctions. I mean seriously, Ann Coulter’s public salivating about her crush on Joseph McCarthy really needs to stop, it’s creeping me out. And how about Neal Horsley refrains from telling us about his love of bestiality for a while? And is the blatant dom/sub relationship between the Shrub and Laura implied by the way she stares adoringly up at him really something you want your kids to see?
Honestly, I think our friends on the right are actually far more weird and kinky than we could ever hope to be. I’m starting to feel positively vanilla in comparison.
I’m starting to feel positively vanilla in comparison.
That’s right. We’ve got all the power, we’ve got all the money, and soom we will have all the kink.
Negotiations to acquire all the funk have experienced setbacks, but are still underway.
I think that attempts to acquire ANY of the funk are doomed to failure.
Two words for you – Karl Rove. Wouldn’t recognize the funk if you beat him on the head with it. Although he might enjoy the beating part.
Re the coffeeshop incident in alsis’ post No. 17 – I think I said “One man, one woman, one goat.”
And Robert – you’d have to pry the funk from George Clinton’s and Bootsy Collins’ cold dead booties…
As a former member of the Federalist Society, I can confidently say that you guys are a long way from acquiring any of the funk. There is something about being a Republican that is inherently inimical to funk, I don’t care what color you are.
You also haven’t acquired all of the kink.
Well, Duke Ellington was a Republican. I think that B.B. King is, too.
FWIW. It’s a weird, weird world we live in…
I did say “soon”. (Actually I said “soom” but that was just a tentative effort at having funk.)
I find it rather amusing to smile in a genuine and warm manner at people who stare at me and my girlfriend holding hands in public. It puts the onus back on them and draws attention to how hateful they’re being.
Also, sometimes it encourages them to make comments, thinking I’m receptive. It is then my pleasure to show them up in public to be the double-standard holding bigots that they are by engaging them in an open debate where I remain calm and pleasent while they shout their heads off…
Anna –
lol, I am SO with you on this one. While I am single at the moment *pout* with previous girlfriends I’ve personally enjoyed holding hands, not just for the simple love of holding your partner’s hand, but also because I always felt it was a personal part of my politics. I also tend to date women that feel similarly.
But yeah, never backed down from bigoted stares, and the fact that you look back seems to offend them even more, as if you shouldn’t even have the gall to call them on their hateful ignorance :)
But nothing pisses a bigot off more than you being completely calm and reasonable with a slight smile on your face (though I will admit to throwing irony and sarcasm into what I tend to say, but those generally go right by them) as they are all irrational and spittle-raving.