The Ups and Downs of Being Sick, or An Entirely Frivolous Post

So for the last two weeks I’ve been sick with something that resembles a cold but is actually the unfortunate side effect of having accidentally eaten multidimensional strawberries with the wrong sort of sugar. Being trapped at home with snot either dripping out of my nose or refusing to be dislodged from my sinuses, and so causing me pain, I’ve had a lot of time to contemplate the joys and drawbacks of being sick. So, for your blog-reading pleasure, a list…

Joy: If you don’t feel like shaving, or if you’ve decided that your bed was designed especially for you by the God of Comfy, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do because you, frankly, don’t have the energy to do more than a few things in the day.

Drawback: Somehow the combination of tussin and even a low-grade fever can make movies completely incomprehensible. I, as luck would have it, had rented a couple movies before falling ill… Unfortunately, they were both in Japanese and reading subtitles became a charming exercise in squint.

Here’s the thing, though: I can’t trust my judgement of the movies. They were: Millenium Actress, from the director of Perfect Blue but of an entirely different breed, which is now one of my favourite movies; and Akira Kurosawa’s Ran, a samurai epic based on King Lear which I thought was fantastic but a bit too scorched-earth for someone who’s sick. So I loved Millenium Actress and was quite fond of Ran but am not comfortable with recommending them to people because there were times when I was pretty out of it. Not when I was watching those movies, I don’t think, but… I don’t think, if you see what I mean.

I can comfort myself with the knowledge that the books I read the last time I had this cold (it comes once a year) haven’t lost or gained in my esteem since I read them. Stephen King’s The Stand still has a brilliant first half and a second half that, while good, doesn’t quite live up to the deliciously apocalyptic beginning. (Note: If you’re prone to anxiety, as I am, don’t read The Stand when you have the flu. Bad Idea.) Neal Stephenson’s Snow Crash still could have been one of the best novels I’ve ever read, except that someone forgot to print the last chapter, or the author was making a statement, or something but it has a terrible ending. You can call it ironic or post-modern or “literary” or whatever, but I say that when you don’t finish your story (on any level, be it thematic or plot-wise or otherwise) that’s just bad writing.

Joy: I got to miss work.

Drawback: I had to miss work.

Joy: Since this comes once a year, I was pretty prepared. Or, rather, I knew what to do to get better as quickly and comfortably as possible. It’s the little things, like smearing lip balm on your nose so that it doesn’t become raw from the kleenex, that are invaluable to know.

Drawback: Guaifenesin is the most horrid concoction.

Joy: Admit it, being sick gives you license to be cranky and whinge as much as you want to, and you like that.

Drawback: … … … I’m out. I mean, short of telling you about the joys of waking up in the night choking on snot and acid reflux, which is a bit explicit, I’m out of drawbacks.

Anyway, I’m happy to be back in good health. Just in time for Trilogy Tuesday which, if you don’t know, is the day they show all three Lord of the Rings movies in the theatres in a row. Ten-plus hours packt like sardines in a crushd tin theatre … Yay. I can’t wait..